My biggest fear with having a baby was losing myself. Before getting pregnant I repeatedly heard from new moms that they didn't know who they were anymore, and that they had lost any personal interests. While I tried to understand them, I had difficulty because I have always been very sure of myself and who I am. The idea that having a baby would change everything, even ME seemed so foreign. Well...I get it now!
For the last 7-months my life has been filled with everything all consuming baby. I expected this. I just didn't realize that I would not have time for myself in all of the baby craziness. Or that when I was given opportunity for me-time I would rather spend it just sitting and staring at a wall not thinking about anything. Lately though, I have been carving out little bits of intentional time just for me to be creative. If I have heard any parenting advice loud and clearly, it has been to take care of yourself so that you can better take care of your baby. This is SO TRUE.
The more time I make specifically just for me, the more energized, positive, and creative I feel. It is exciting to have creative juices flow through my veins again. I am a creative person, so to be without creativity, or time for it, makes me feel stifled and unmotivated. A few weeks ago I took a walk through the woods at our local arboretum and stumbled upon a rock labyrinth. I walked it and let my mind wander. It was the most wonderful thing! Since then, I have been in creative project mode. I have all sorts of ideas bursting forth and I have even completed some of them already!
It is exciting to see these glimpses of me coming back. I had a baby, but she is not my whole life. I am my own person, with my own ideas and aspirations outside of my child and husband. It may have taken me 7 months postpartum to act on that, but I am glad to have gotten here. Like I said, the best advice given to me about having a baby was to make time to take care of myself. I am, and it feels so GOOD!
Here's a funky little short film that I just made as part of re-discovering my creativity.