It is hard to make a baby when you are angry

After almost 5 years of marriage Andy and I have decided to embark on the great adventure that is baby making. There have been talks and trys before, followed by fears and stops, but this time is for real.

Since we decided that this time is for real I got a little more serious about my follow-through. I have armed myself with a few handy tools such as a fertility app on my phone and a handy dandy little thermometer that I keep next to the bed. I have diligently been tracking my basal body temperature (along with other fertility signs) in my app. After entering daily information, my app is supposed to tell me when I am most likely to be fertile. Amazing, no? (App is Ovia for iphone)

So on those 6 something fertile days that my body supposedly has, I figured it would be best to have as much sex as I can. Why not, right? Unfortunately, rather than just jumping on Andy, I proceeded to explain to him (very scientifically) all about my hormones, fertility, fertility tracking, and the importance of having a lot of sex on specific days. Surprisingly, he did not take that very well.

While Andy was thrilled at the possibility of daily sex, he was not, however, thrilled that it would be planned, documented, and pushed by a schedule. But I had a tight shift to keep, so sexy time was had...as dictated by my schedule of course.

The first few days went fine, but then things went down hill. Andy was no longer excited about my schedule. He held out on me, no sex, he was tired. This obviously put a kink in my plan and I quickly became agitated and annoyed. Our conversations led to fights and despite being SO angry, I felt that we NEEDED to stick with my fertility schedule. This baby wasn't going to make itself after all!

So we fought and I pushed. Let's just say that it is very hard to make a baby when you are angry. Alas, I am learning from my amateur baby-making mistakes. While making a baby is a precise and scientific thing, it should be fun. Now I know! Future tries will be less "scheduled". :)

Quotes from Andy so far (I love him!):
-Pointing to my belly, "swim little spermies, swim!"
-Head on my belly, "are you there yet?"
-In response to daily sex, "no more, 'it' is tired."

Confessions: First Year of Marriage

Andy and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, so we are not just coming out of our first year. This post was spurred by an article I read in Cosmo. First off though, I would like to note that I don't buy Cosmo. I did when I was 19, but those days are long gone. Our apartment building does however, have a 'free' section in the lobby where people put stuff they don't want. So I yoinked the free cosmo magazine.

While flipping through cosmo I found an article written about the first year of marriage and what things happen that you don't expect. Surprisingly they all rang true for me! (Now that is a first Cosmo!) So here is my list of 'First Year of Marriage Confessions':

Thoughts of Divorce
Yep, I said it. During our first year of marriage all I could think was that I had made a mistake and the only way out was divorce. In fact, I have threatened divorce probably more times than I can count on my two hands. Every time we fought or disagreed about something I would think about how happy my life was as a single person, then I would think that if I could just divorce Andy I could get back to that single life. I also tried to convince him that it was Me holding him back in life and that he would be better off without me. I truly believed that at the time! Now divorce is a funny joke to us because I brought it up so much in that first year. Thankfully I got over the "divorce" idea, but it probably took me two years.

Weight Gain
So much for the freshman-15...I'd say the marriage-10 is more relevant. During our first year of marriage I gained about 10 pounds and I swear my hips got wider from all that consistent sex! When Andy and I cooked together he would cook me the same size portion of food that he would eat. I remember him cooking and serving me one meal in particular that was literally a heaping mound of food on my plate. I thought, how on earth am I going to eat that! I would always tell him to serve me smaller portions and he would always forget. I never ate it all, but it was still more than I was used to eating. We also ate a lot more food in general because cooking together was so much fun. Thus the weight gain.

Longing for a Baby
During the first 6 months of marriage I wanted a baby SO badly! It was such a strong desire, I felt I needed a baby. Andy and I were so enamored with each other (when we weren't fighting) that we wanted our love to blossom and produce babies. It was like something strange had taken over my body and I just had to make a baby. Hormones! We even went off birth control, trying but not trying. We figured if we produced a love child all would be well. Luckily we got over that phase and quickly went back onto birth control. I don't think becoming pregnant with a baby immediately after getting married would have been good for us, but boy did those marriage hormones have an affect!

I didn't take his Name
In this modern day and age it is becoming more normal for a lady to keep her last name after marriage. To be honest though, I could never picture myself with any name but my last name. Keeping my name was a no-brainer to me and luckily Andy didn't really care. Looking back I am still happy that I have my own last name. To me it represents my independence. Yes, we are married but I am still my own person. The only tricky part will be when we have kids and deciding which last name they will get.

Thoughts of Ex-Boyfriends
During our first year of marriage I thought of ex-boyfriends a lot! Not only did I think of them, but I dreamt of them non stop. It was almost a problem. Obviously it was not something I could talk to Andy about either, so I just let it happen and hoped it would go away. The thoughts and dreams were probably 50% sexual and 50% just going over the relationship that I had with that person. It was weird and I constantly felt guilty about it. Luckily, the thoughts and dreams stopped about the time we had been married for one year.

Those are the main things that stand out about our first year of marriage. I am SO glad that we have gotten through that year and are now working towards year number 4. Going Strong!

What have YOU experienced in your first year of marriage that you didn't expect?

Marriage, taking his name...

Yesterday I went to pick up a prescription (birth control) and had a little trouble with the pharmacy lady. First she said I didn't have a prescription to pick up, then she said I had one but my insurance was expired. At that, I realized that I had just cancelled my old insurance and jumped onto Andy's new insurance. (Side note: his new job pays for my insurance and it's great insurance. Score!) So I gave the pharmacy lady the new insurance card. The insurance card has Andy's full name on it and the back of it says family members are also included, meaning me. I explained that to the lady when she asked if my name was Andy.

The pharmacy lady entered the new insurance info into the computer and came back to let me know that she had also gone ahead and changed my last name. What?! So I told her, "no that's incorrect we have different last names". So she drilled me.
"Well are you married?"
"Yes."
"But you have a different last name?"
"Yes. I never changed my name."
"And you are sure that you are on his insurance?"
"Yes, I can call my husband if you'd like me to."
"Hmm, well I think you have to use his last name to be on his insurance."
"What?! No, I'm sure I don't."
"Let me go call the insurance company."
"Yes, please do. They will have my name on file."

All the while I'm furious thinking this whole interaction is ridiculous. Since when does a woman have to take her husbands name just for the sake of being on his insurance?

The lady was gone for a while. Finally she comes back and rings up the total for my birth control. She says nothing about the insurance. When I inquire about it she says, "Oh yeah, you're fine."

How frustrating! Andy and I never decided not to change our names it just kind of happened. When we looked into changing our names after getting married it seemed like too much of a hassle so we never did it. (DC laws for changing your name are extensive and ridiculous.) Since then, I have been very happy that I kept my own last name. I am an independent woman despite being married therefore I have my own name. I wear a wedding ring and hold strong to my marriage vows, so there is no need to share his name as well. This is how I view it, but sometimes I feel judged for keeping my last name. I'm sure there will come many more times when this is an issue, I just have to remember to hold strong. Nowhere does it say a woman must take her husbands last name, so it's not a crime.

How do you feel about this? Did you take your husbands last name, or keep your own. Why?