tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11198353664728264272024-02-06T22:41:07.288-05:00Ellies WonderEllies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.comBlogger335125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-90170336091264412632023-05-30T12:16:00.005-04:002023-05-30T13:30:56.755-04:00Pregnancy tips, tricks, and wishes I'd done more of...<div>I found this post in my archives and realized I never posted it. I have since had another baby and still stand by these pregnancy tips.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCezfYJ2QaXII7IkVKVKuwC0OboX7rj5dUvM9DpqFlN6XYd7BZnVCP0zD5MvciVSxXU15UGC-NCv4z6sb6H8h1waW6l-xm53uRD_golLObn91dL-XEi91W2xvUOzdDhAkCoCVSRH_0qODYeJb49fp-o6WO3PSLxfqLdloMYg4hPB4IDaWutc7w6BEfA/s1600/PHOTO-2022-08-10-09-51-52.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCezfYJ2QaXII7IkVKVKuwC0OboX7rj5dUvM9DpqFlN6XYd7BZnVCP0zD5MvciVSxXU15UGC-NCv4z6sb6H8h1waW6l-xm53uRD_golLObn91dL-XEi91W2xvUOzdDhAkCoCVSRH_0qODYeJb49fp-o6WO3PSLxfqLdloMYg4hPB4IDaWutc7w6BEfA/s320/PHOTO-2022-08-10-09-51-52.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>Pregnancy was something I was always curious about. In fact, my baby(s) are a product of curiosity- in the best way possible. :) I tend to be very in tune with my body and what is going on, so pregnancy was one big sensation overload for me. These are things that I have learned, that have helped me, or that I wished I had done more of:</div>
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<b>Exercise</b><br />
This is something that I wish I had done more of. I exercised for the first two months of pregnancy and then morning sickness and bronchitis knocked me flat on my back. I didn't exercise again until about my 7th month of pregnancy and by then I couldn't do much. If I had known of the future weight gain that would happen, I think I would have worked through the sickness to exercise more in the beginning. Plus, exercising always helps with emotional well-being.<b> </b><br />
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<b>Eat Well</b><br />
This one is obvious. But really, I could have eaten a LOT better. Instead, I felt bad for my pregnant sick self and indulged in whatever I wanted. (Ice-cream everyday, drive through french fries, tons of candy and dessert, DOUGHNUTS, raw ramen noodles...) Probably because of that, I've had a hard time losing the baby weight.<b> </b>Indulging is fine in moderation, but I often gorged myself on junk food and used pregnancy as an excuse. (Not good and probably caused my gestational diabetes, ugh.)<br />
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<b>Motherhood Maternity Store</b><br />
I didn't visit/discover this store until toward the end of my pregnancy, but wow, what a gem! In a world full of tiny maternity clothing sections ie: Target and Old Navy, Motherhood Maternity is heaven.<b> </b>It is a store full of only maternity clothes that are not only cute and fashionable, but decently priced. Oh, and they give you a goodie bag of free stuff on your first visit. You can also find some MM things on <a href="https://www.amazon.com/stores/MotherhoodMaternity/page/2C8DD395-B7EF-4220-A4A2-3819A3B60A1F?store_ref=bl_ast_dp_brandLogo_sto&linkCode=ll2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=532c35f9ac9495bc3497550385a2db2f&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">Amazon</a> as well.<br />
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<b>Buy Clothes on Sale For Next Season</b><br />
I got pregnant in October and quickly realized that I would be in the peak of wearing maternity clothes in the dead of summer. So in October/November I jumped online and ordered all sorts of summer maternity clothes that were on sale. While it felt funny to order clothes for a body that I didn't have yet for a season that had just passed, it was probably the smartest thing I could have done. Come the warmer months and the bigger belly, I was all set with a closet full of clothes that fit well and didn't break the bank.<b> </b><br />
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<b>Best Maternity Jeans</b><br />H&M online has the best maternity jeans in my opinion. I actually ordered a pair of maternity skinny jeans on sale for only $15 and they were perfect. I also had a backup pair of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Leggings-Depot-Maternity-Pregnancy-Denimblue/dp/B0BKR74SFR?crid=2ZRQJRTZB51VR&keywords=maternity+jeans+over+the+belly&qid=1685466005&sprefix=maternity+jeans%2Caps%2C101&sr=8-10&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=42e1772f8a15e0999af21784e275b89f&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">jeggings</a> that I liked.<br />
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<b>Best Maternity Dresses</b><br />
Being toward the end of my pregnancy during spring and summer meant I lived in dresses...and attended a lot of weddings. The best maternity dresses (both formal and casual) for affordable prices<b> </b>I found at ASOS online and amazon. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Smallshow-Womens-Maternity-Pregnancy-Clothes/dp/B08SH1RLKL?crid=WTQQNNCX6KD4&keywords=pregnancy+dress&qid=1685465732&sprefix=pregnancy+dress%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzNURGSjRCV1FBUEpCJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNTg1ODU0M0haNEU2U0JWTkpERSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwODg2ODY2MUsyNUYzV0JUSzJHUiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU%3D&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=37de153d4eb583e1341907a8304c7e96&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">This dress</a> was a go-to staple, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/GINKANA-Sleeveless-Maternity-Adjustable-Strappy/dp/B09MVSC2KJ?crid=WTQQNNCX6KD4&keywords=pregnancy%2Bdress&qid=1685465796&sprefix=pregnancy%2Bdress%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-39&th=1&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=b89094de61b98a2f4c0dd316cf33b8df&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">this dress</a> I STILL wear, and I had <a href="https://www.amazon.com/OUGES-Sleeveless-Maternity-Breastfeeding-Floral07/dp/B0828GGKMS?crid=WTQQNNCX6KD4&keywords=pregnancy+dress&qid=1685465796&sprefix=pregnancy+dress%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-32&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=6e676d17b4cc3f49e5ab8e22ede604e9&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">one of these dresses</a> for postpartum breastfeeding.<br />
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<b>Coffee</b><br />
Initially, I had cut coffee out of my routine because I'd always heard that pregnant ladies can't drink coffee. Then, due to morning sickness, I stopped liking it for a while. During my second trimester though, I got horrible headaches. My midwife told me to drink a small glass of coffee and low and behold, it helped! So I continued to drink a small cup of coffee for the rest of my pregnancy and never had headaches again.<br />
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<b>Pregnancy Sleeping Pillow</b><br />
Andy got me <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Momcozy-Pregnancy-Maternity-Removable-Sleeping/dp/B08YYVRXLM?crid=5PVK7T8SPZKR&keywords=pregnancy+pillows&qid=1685465635&sprefix=preg%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-9&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=6138498839e056b4f8a52d3764979d7b&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">one of these</a> for Christmas and I hated it. I am a one-pillow kind of gal.<b> </b>No fluff, no frills, keep it flat, cotton, and simple. Starting around the 6th month of my pregnancy though, I pulled the prego-pillow out of storage and discovered its greatness. From that moment on, I used it every day and even carted it on trips. It was that helpful!<br />
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<b>Humidifier</b><br />
Being pregnant in the dry winter sucks. They also say the extra hormones can lead to congestion...not sure how that works, but I felt it. I couldn't get past bronchitis or the common cold. Having a humidifier in our bedroom was so helpful and provided much-needed relief.<b> </b><br />
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<b>Prenatal Massage</b><br />
Yes, massage can be expensive and seem indulgent, but if there's ever a time to get one it is pregnancy. Getting a prenatal massage put me on cloud nine, literally, I got a body high from it. (Dare I say it was better than sex!?) Just do it.<br />
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<b>Snacks</b><br />
I made a snack box and kept it loaded with goodies that I could grab for my purse and car. Best decision ever! Crackers, granola bars, little baggies of trail mix, dried fruit, rice cakes, cut apple slices in little baggies kept in the fridge, applesauce pouches for kids, cheese sticks, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches bagged by the half sandwich...<b> </b><br />
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<b>Flavored Water</b><br />
I love a nice tall glass of beer or wine at the end of the day. So getting pregnant definitely put a halt to that. It was always frustrating to be around drinking friends or not to have something to sip on at the end of the day. That's when I discovered flavored water. Slicing up fruit and putting it in my water or buying flavored Pellegrino was such a treat.<b> </b>In fact, it is a fun and more healthy habit that I will probably continue. (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DJ16CD6?ie=UTF8&psc=1&pd_rd_i=&pd_rd_i=B07DJ16CD6p13NParams&s=grocery&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWxfdGhlbWF0aWM&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=8a8c0e8fb56242908c842d5d7117623e&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">Coconut water</a> too!)<br />
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<b>Black Maternity Tights</b><br />
This was one of my first maternity clothing purchases and proved to be the best purchase. I splurged on a $45 pair of maternity tights at Kohls and wore them through the whole pregnancy. They were helpful in the awkward transition stage where I didn't look pregnant yet, but nothing else fit. And- I can even wear them past pregnancy with the belly band folded down. I also loved <a href="https://www.amazon.com/POSHDIVAH-Maternity-Leggings-Pregnancy-Workout/dp/B08KNX71NR?crid=PBOMOVN2UIAD&keywords=maternity+leggings&qid=1685465297&sprefix=maternity+le%2Caps%2C96&sr=8-3-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzQUZDMFRWWkdKSzc5JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjE2NTk4MVlSSk43OE1RWEpXMyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMTc4MTQxMklSQlVBMFFROUJDSSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU%3D&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=ed03e9ff01bf8815c7915816482607a6&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">these</a> leggings for exercising and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Maternity-Essential-Stretch-Leggings/dp/B013WUEAZK?crid=PBOMOVN2UIAD&keywords=maternity+leggings&qid=1685465391&sprefix=maternity+le%2Caps%2C96&sr=8-5&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=34ab4d9c6f1d7f515a5c66cf710a985a&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">these</a> leggings for wearing with dresses and long sweaters.<br />
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<b>Get Fitted For a Bra</b><br />
This was a game-changer! During month 6 of pregnancy, I decided to get fitted for a bra because my boobs would not stop hurting. I was blown away! I went from a small A-cup to a full-on D-cup. For those first 6-months though, I had been shoving my new (and unbeknownst to me) D-sized boobies into my old A bras thinking that was ok. Getting well-fitting bras changed my life! <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Momcozy-Breastfeeding-Seamless-Maternity-Pregnancy/dp/B09QXLHSV3?crid=1EA8WGLJCXGPI&keywords=nursing+bras&qid=1685465139&sprefix=nursin%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-9&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=c6522819b76a177f3aa462dcf9c69c5d&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">These</a> were some of my favorite nursing bras.<b></b><br />
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<b>Floss In my Purse</b><br />
Pregnant women have more dental problems. My dentist told me this and I quickly realized it for myself after getting a cavity a few months into pregnancy. I started keeping floss in my purse to help get stuff out of my teeth after meals. Now I always have floss on hand and it is so helpful.<br />
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<b>Online Prenatal Yoga</b><br />
This is something I did a few times, but wished I had done more of. There are all sorts of free online videos for prenatal yoga. I think if I had done it more regularly it would have helped with everything.<br />
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<b>Coconut Oil For Skin</b><br />
This tip was actually given to me by a friend. She said to just smear on the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Belly-Organic-Virgin-Coconut/dp/B07PG9FG6J?crid=TTE7HFS3XUR1&keywords=coconut+oil&qid=1685465039&sprefix=cocon%2Caps%2C106&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFEWDZXUjUzQTJDRjcmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA1NTQxOTUzOENOSEdRRTJDSTFPJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA0NDMzODdFNExBUDMwQ1QxU08md2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=b79aafb5e5372c8f1f79116934cd763c&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">coconut oil</a> right out of the jar. It weirded me out at first, but then I got used to it. The coconut oil worked wonders on my winter dry skin which was exaggerated by pregnancy. I also used it on my belly and didn't get any stretch marks. <br />
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<b>Week 36+</b><br />
Start <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Natures-Bounty%C2%AE-Evening-Primose-Softgels/dp/B000GH0PFM?crid=OJRDKF2KZBRZ&keywords=evening+primrose+oil&qid=1685464830&sprefix=evening%2Caps%2C96&sr=8-5&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=ebbf45ada306a5255715f434cadbb6bd&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">evening primrose oil</a> and drink <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Yogi-Womens-Raspberry-Leaf-Tea/dp/B00H3SXWIY?crid=1AKDGGXZH1ADV&keywords=red+raspberry+leaf+tea&qid=1685464923&sprefix=red+raspberry+leaf+tea+%2Caps%2C101&sr=8-29&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=6eb7b74c0e4c430347df37e879eb9e8e&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">red raspberry leaf tea</a> for vaginal elasticity. I had a smooth vaginal birth and did not tear, and I personally believe it was because I did these two things.<div><br /></div><div><b>Postpartum</b></div><div><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Seamless-Boyshorts-Underwear-Slimming-Shapewear/dp/B0C4KWVGVD?pd_rd_w=sPXup&content-id=amzn1.sym.309d45c5-3eba-4f62-9bb2-0acdcf0662e7&pf_rd_p=309d45c5-3eba-4f62-9bb2-0acdcf0662e7&pf_rd_r=0Y8R0CJ2S418QXWSBPJK&pd_rd_wg=idIXi&pd_rd_r=e1237563-1bae-4b80-8522-c11aa735f43d&pd_rd_i=B0C6H78H4G&psc=1&linkCode=ll1&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=baa08851aebe21561b9988c209dcddbb&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl" target="_blank">Compression shorts</a> are the best! They keep everything in and helped me to feel more sturdy and stable if that makes sense at all.</div><div>
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<br /></div>Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0Harrisonburg, VA 22801, USA38.4049904 -78.872234110.094756563821157 -114.0284841 66.715224236178841 -43.7159841tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-48468129799907328522018-12-20T16:44:00.000-05:002018-12-20T16:46:59.945-05:00Healthy Herbal Hot Chocolate<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been on a natural/veggie/herbal/healthy kick lately. I love learning about herbs, plants, and foods and their health benefits. It is also winter AND Christmas time, so I decided to marry everything together. I came up with an herbal hot chocolate homemade gift. (Which goes along with my last post about having <a href="https://www.ellieswonder.com/2018/12/how-to-have-minimalist-and.html" target="_blank">minimalist holidays</a>.) You can also just make this hot chocolate for your own enjoyment.<br />
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In addition to the normal hot chocolate ingredients like cocoa, cinnamon, ginger, and cardamom, I added maca root, ashwangandha, tumeric curcumin, and moringa. These can all be found in health food stores, Whole Foods, or online. I'll give a brief run down of the herbal benefits here, but there is so much more information online if you want to know more.<br />
(*It should be noted that these herbs and this hot chocolate should not be consumed by pregnant or breastfeeding women.)<br />
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<b>Maca Root</b> - If you search this online you will quickly find that maca is used for increasing libido. While there is some scientific evidence behind this, there are so many other benefits to this plant. Like all the vitamins it contains including vitamin C, iron, and potassium. Maca also helps to enhance your mood and decrease anxiety. On top of all that, it is an antioxidant.<br />
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<b>Ashwagandha </b>- This plant from India has a wealth of health benefits. Studies have shown that it is beneficial for fighting certain cancers, Alzheimers, and anxiety. It can also help with arthritis, insomnia, diabetes, memory, stress, and more. I put it in the hot chocolate mix because it promotes calmness, and reduces stress and anxiety.<br />
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<b>Tumeric Curcumin</b> - There are so many incredible health benefits that come from this Indian spice. I'll keep it brief. Curcumin is an anti-inflammatory and antioxidant. It has been shown to help with heart disease, Alzheimers, and increase memory. It may prevent and treat some cancers. Studies show that it can be just as good as prozac when used to treat depression. This spice is an all encompassing benefit to the body.<br />
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<b>Moringa</b> - This is another plant high in antioxidants. It is also very nutritious containing protein, vitamin C, B6, iron, magnesium, riboflavin, and vitamin A. It can help with blood sugar levels, cholesterol, and inflammation.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Herbal Hot Chocolate</span></b></div>
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This will fill one 500 mL ball jar.</div>
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-3/4 cup cocoa powder</div>
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-1/2 - 3/4 cup coconut sugar </div>
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-1/2 teaspoon (heaping) cinnamon</div>
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-1/2 teaspoon (heaping) ginger</div>
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-1/2 teaspoon (heaping) cardamom</div>
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-1 teaspoon Himalayan pink salt</div>
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-1 Tablespoon maca</div>
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-1 Tablespoon tumeric curcumin</div>
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-1 Tablespoon ashwagandha</div>
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-1 Tablespoon moringa</div>
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Sift all ingredients and mix well together. Then fill the ball jar and label. </div>
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To make: add one tablespoon to warm milk of your choice (I like it with almond milk), or to hot water. Enjoy and be healthy!</div>
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-78771781038778023482018-12-13T14:56:00.000-05:002018-12-13T14:56:41.132-05:00How to have minimalist (and environmentally friendly) holiday seasonIf you are like me, the holidays can really invoke stress and anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the holidays and everything (mostly) that surrounds them. I look forward to November and December, the parties, the food, the socializing, and the merriment. What I do not look forward to is the consumerism, the waste, and my personal overwhelmed feelings around clutter. As much as I love Christmas decorations, they overwhelm the crap out of me! They make the space feel extra cluttered at a time of the year when you are mostly inside anyway. And since having a child, this has gotten even worse. I think my number one reason in striving for a minimalist lifestyle stems from clutter/stuff and the stress and anxiety it makes me feel. I cannot function around so much stuff.<br />
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So that brings me to ways that I have developed and continue to develop in order to keep the holidays simple and fairly minimal. (Disclaimer: I am not a real 100% minimalist, though I do my best.)<br />
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Christmas Tree:<br />
-Buy a fake tree and use it year after year. This saves the trees and allows you to select whatever size tree you prefer. For us, it is a small tree we keep in the back of our closet. In past years we had a real tree, but due to Andy's allergies and his environmentalist push (he does work in solar energy after all), we went the fake tree route and have been happy with it. (You can still go to a Christmas tree farm, take pictures, drink cocoa, and soak up the merriment without ever cutting a tree down.)<br />
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Decorations:<br />
-Get ONE rubbermaid container and use that as your limit for holiday decorations and "stuff". I only have as many decorations as will fit into my rubbermaid. I bought the container for holiday decorations and if I acquire more decorations and they don't fit, then something else has to go. I have a strict one storage container rule for decorations.<br />
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Wrapping Gifts:<br />
-Use newspaper. Wrapping paper is bought by the hoards only to be ripped, crumpled, and thrown into the trash. I bet most people don't even recycle it! Newspaper, or those grocery store ads that come in the mail are not only free, but are papers that have already been recycled. If you feel the need to jazz it up add a flashy bow, then save the bow to use again next year after the gift has been opened.<br />
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Door Wreath:<br />
-Make your own from foraged greenery outside. Or, use a regular everyday wreath and just slap a red bow on it. When the holidays are over just take the bow off and continue using your wreath.<br />
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Gifts:<br />
-This one really gets me going! As much as I love to give and receive gifts, the consumerism kills me. In fact, Andy and I haven't bought Hazel any Christmas gifts until this year because we knew she'd get gifts from other family members. (And she was/is too young to really care.)<br />
So here are some less consumerist gift giving ideas:<br />
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<ul>
<li><b>White elephant</b> - my family does white elephant but with nice gifts. Everyone has a $25 limit to buy one nice gift that most family members would enjoy. Then, on Christmas morning we play White Elephant. It is always so much fun, it involves great, often hilarious interactions with each other, and in the end everyone walks away with a nice gift. (Usually kids are excluded from this and everyone has the option to buy them individual gifts. Not ideal, but it works.)</li>
<li><b>Draw a name</b> - then you are only buying a gift for that one person.</li>
<li><b>Draw a name thrift store version</b> - this is what Andy's family does when the extended family visits for Christmas. Everyone draws a name, then we load up into cars and spend a few hours at one or two thrift stores. We each have a $15 limit to find our person something we think they would like. After the gifts are wrapped and given, we have the option to trade or re-donate the gifts back to the thrift store if we don't like them.</li>
<li><b>Thrift store gifts</b> - only buy gifts from the thrift store. This year we bought Hazel gifts for the first time and they came from the thrift store! We found some really great games that weren't even opened yet.</li>
<li><b>Donate money or time</b> instead of giving gifts.</li>
<li><b>Give gift certificates for experiences or subscriptions</b>.</li>
<li><b>Use the 3 gift rule</b> - Give something they <b>want + need + wear </b>or <b>read</b>. This is what Andy I usually do for each other.</li>
<li><b>Give one really nice gift</b>. Andy and I did this last year and will do it again this year. </li>
<li><b>Give food</b> - this could be in the form of a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, or a subscription to a food service like Sunbasket. Or, just fill a stocking full of fun and unique food items. Andy and I like to shop at an international food store to find unique food stocking stuffers for each other.</li>
<li><b>Give handmade gifts</b> - get crafty, go on pinterest and find a batch of something to make and give to everyone on your list. I have a friend that gets homemade vanilla from her brother every Christmas. My mom always sends a little box of homemade snacks, jewelry, and other fun things for Christmas. One year she made us cloth napkins with artsy napkin holders that represented each of us.</li>
</ul>
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So try out one or all of these ways to keep the holidays minimal. Then, spend your days eating great food and having quality time with the people you love.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-79380747479200946902018-09-24T15:58:00.000-04:002018-09-24T16:08:19.995-04:00Hello world, I have ADHD!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You read the title correct, I have ADHD. I was just diagnosed after a year of trying to figure out "what the heck is wrong with me?".<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">According to add.org: "</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">AD[H]D is a </span><span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">brain-based syndrome that has to do with the regulation of a particular set of brain</span><span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> functions and related behaviors.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">These brain operations are collectively referred to as “executive </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">functioning skills” and include important functions such as attention, concentration, memory, motivation and</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> effort, learning from mistakes, impulsivity, hyperactivity, organization, and social skills. There are various </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">contributing factors that play a role in these challenges including chemical and structural differences in the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">brain as well as genetics."</span></div>
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Within the last YEAR- I have moved from the countryside to Harrisonburg, started seeing a therapist, thought I had depression, tried depression meds but they didn't do anything, continued therapy, applied to UVA for a masters in teaching on a whim, got in, moved to Charlottesville, completed an intense accelerated semester of grad school, quit grad school, got hired at an inner city school for teaching special-ed, moved to DC, had a terrible time as a special-ed teacher, quit, and now here I am. This is how my whole adult life has unfolded.<br />
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I have jumped from one job, one aspiration, one business, one degree or grad program to another. I have done some awesome things like working on a farm, teaching English in South Korea, managing a Pilates studio, starting and running a chocolate business and a photography business, and taking care of alzheimer's patients through home healthcare.<br />
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Since I was a kid, I have always felt different. I chalked it up to my childhood growing up in Papua New Guinea. I have always been a great observer of people though, so I observed and followed the social norms that I saw. Being a good kid was important to me, so I did my best to behave and act like other kids. School was fun not because of classes, but because of the extra curriculars that I overachieved in. I never once studied in high school due to it being "boring". I got by with good grades through having general smarts. In college, I tried to study but found it terrible, soul crushing, and boring. I ended up finding the most creative and active classes that I could, in order to make it to graduation. There was one semester I was failing everything, so I dropped all but two classes. Focusing on only two classes helped me bring my grades up. That delayed my graduation by a semester, but luckily I was able to walk through graduation with everyone else. It was a relief to be done with college. I felt immense guilt, frustration, and lack of academic confidence in college, yet I never sought help because it was embarrassing to admit that I was struggling.<br />
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And so the story goes...I excel in the things I am interested in, and everything else goes by the wayside. This is one of the biggest hallmarks of ADHD in adults. When I was diagnosed, one of the three evaluating psychiatrist's said to me: "I can't believe you haven't been diagnosed until now!" The reason though, is because I am not obviously hyperactive. Most girls/women with ADHD go undiagnosed due to compensating for and covering up their symptoms. Which is exactly what I did as a kid in order to fit in.<br />
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So that leaves me here, once again wondering what to do with my life. I have learned that adults with ADHD get things done based on high interest or urgency. Paperwork- no way, emptying the dishwasher- no way, researching adult ADHD- yes, for hours at a time, spilled a glass of milk- I'm on it, and I may just clean the rest of the floor while I'm at it. So that's me, functioning on high interest or urgency. Andy says: "so it's like you are a cave man, you are only interested in the things that are going to benefit you or keep you out of danger". He also made an interesting point: "It's as though your brain is primitive and hasn't evolved like the rest of us". Maybe...?<br />
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So now that I have a name for being impulsive, overly sensitive, often bored, talkative, full of ideas yet low on motivation, lacking concentration, easily distracted, and all the other traits that make me- me, I have to figure out how to work with it. I am determined not to let this be an excuse, but rather a work in progress. I need to come up with techniques to help me do life better. I feel relief, but I also feel lost. And that folks...is my current truth.<br />
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[Side note: I want to thank Andy for dealing with me through years of indecisiveness, over 18 moves (though some of those were due to his career), my crazy moods, my impulsive decisions, and so many other quirks, oddities, and whims I've had. I truly could not have a better partner.]<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-40614484380343737002018-04-12T12:19:00.000-04:002018-04-12T12:34:24.811-04:00Isla Mujeres, Mexico (a guide of sorts)We have now traveled to Isla Mujeres twice because it is such a fun easy place to go. Flights to Cancun are also incredibly cheap, at least from the DC area. (I'm talking $200 round trip.) Since coming back from the island this time, I have had an overwhelming response from people wanting to know more. So, here are a few things that we have found helpful and/or experienced on Isla Mujeres.<br />
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<b><u>Travel</u></b><br />
Getting to Isla Mujeres can be a bit tricky. There is an easy way and a more challenging/exciting way. You could always just fly into Cancun and take a taxi to Puerto Juarez, then catch the boat to the island. Or...you could hop on a bus from the airport into Cancun Central. The buses gather outside the airport, so it is easy to catch one. Make sure you have pesos though, because you'll pay in pesos before getting on. This bus ride is 30 minutes. Once at Cancun Central Station, head outside of the bus station to the main road. Start asking around for Puerto Juarez and soon people will guide you across the street where you will take the number 6 bus. The front of it should say Puerto Juarez along with a few other places. Once you catch the number 6 bus it takes about 15 minutes to get to the port. When the bus arrives at the port it will look like a hotel. You walk through a parking deck (there should be signs for the port) and will arrive at Puerto Juarez. When you buy a ticket for Isla Mujeres it is a round trip ticket, so be sure to store the other half in a safe place for your return. The boat takes about 30 minutes. Once on the island you can take a taxi to your hotel.<br />
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<b><u>Hotel</u></b><br />
Most of the hotels are on the North Island, while the resorts are on the South Island. We like to stay in a hotel because it allows us to get out and see more of the island and culture. The hotel we like to stay at is called <b>Hotel Cabanas Maria del Mar</b>. ($75-$130/night depending on when you go.) It is located on the nicest beach (in my opinion) of the island. The hotel is pretty basic. It is composed of a few different buildings (or cabanas) with hotel rooms. Each room/cabana contains a basic bathroom, fan, air conditioner, tv, and small fridge. The rooms are not exciting or luxurious, but they all have a great porch for outside lounging. The hotel grounds consist of beautiful gardens and a pool. The beach is directly in front of the hotel. Next to the hotel (and on the beach) is a swing bar and restaurant. The hotel gives you a free breakfast voucher for the restaurant every morning which consists of coffee, orange juice, and toast. Aside from that you can order more, or go elsewhere for breakfast. For lunch, I recommend their fish tacos. The restaurant also has a treehouse platform where they have 3 yoga classes a day.<br />
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<b><u>Golf Carts</u></b><br />
The primary mode of transportation on the island is golf cart. The island only takes about an hour and a half to get around, so renting a golf cart to explore is a must! We have always rented our golf cart at our hotel. You can have it for the day for about $50, and you will need a drivers license.<br />
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<b><u>"Town"</u></b><br />
If you stay on the North Island, the main part of town will only be a few blocks away. We always enjoy going into "town" for dinner and ice cream. On the main strip you can find just about any type of restaurant and food. Asian, Italian, Mexican, seafood, vegetarian...etc. Most of the seating is on the street, so you can enjoy people watching and various street performers and musicians. In this same area there are also lots of little shops. You can buy souvenirs, bathing suits, hats, sandals, sarongs etc. At the very end of the street you will find the town square. Local street venders like to set up there, and it is always fun to try their foods. That is also where the grocery store is located. The grocery store is great for sunscreen, beach toys, beverages, and snacks. We usually stock our fridge with drinks and snacks at the beginning of the week. That way we can sit on our porch at the end of the day and have a cool drink before heading out to dinner.<br />
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<b><u>To Do</u></b><br />
Even though Isla Mujeres is a small island, there can be a lot to do if you look for it.<br />
<b>Rent a golf cart</b> <b>-</b> already mentioned above<br />
<b>Beach bar hop</b> - if you walk along the beach you can find all sorts of fun little beach bars<br />
<b>Snorkeling/diving -</b> there's a variety of this around the island<br />
<b>Turtle Refuge </b>- you can take a taxi or golf cart and check out all the turtles<br />
<b>Dolphin Discovery</b> <b>- </b>First off, you have to pay for this. You can either pay to swim with the dolphins, or you can pay to enter the resort for the day. If you pay to enter the resort for the day it is about $30/per person, but that includes towels, all you can eat AND drink. Plus, you can walk out to where they are doing dolphin stuff and watch from the docks.<br />
<b>Ruins</b> <b>-</b> at the very south end of the island there are a few small ruins and some fun trails to walk right along the cliff and water. ($5 entrance)<br />
<b>The Joint - </b>this is a Rasta bar that you will no doubt drive past if you rent a golf cart. I HIGHLY recommend this place. They have the best/strongest drinks on the island and all of their food is great. Plus, they have a fun atmosphere.<br />
<b>Day Resorts</b> <b>- </b>these are scattered around the island and each offer different things. Some have water slides, others have snorkeling and stand up paddle boarding options. Some are free entrance and you pay for food and drink, others are a fee but everything is included for the day.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-25076441629513756342018-04-11T10:26:00.000-04:002018-04-11T10:26:41.767-04:00Spray Tan - I tried it<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg4Ckq4EAmw0oXZNqdU4ip1jHX4ZNgwORYenyCKRmmK1bmrN4ui4NLg2fHBZwfh7O9anbkTIF6xc1JTFP1_1pkk3irCBHKehyphenhypheng-iDIYEBKmrlzPUz7dFEoKGlOqpUqWyX7OA81dZfjHiR1/s1600/81EAAFC6-1964-44D0-A476-15E5FA494A5A.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg4Ckq4EAmw0oXZNqdU4ip1jHX4ZNgwORYenyCKRmmK1bmrN4ui4NLg2fHBZwfh7O9anbkTIF6xc1JTFP1_1pkk3irCBHKehyphenhypheng-iDIYEBKmrlzPUz7dFEoKGlOqpUqWyX7OA81dZfjHiR1/s320/81EAAFC6-1964-44D0-A476-15E5FA494A5A.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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I am probably late to the game on this one, but figured I would write about my experience anyway. So I got a spray tan! Since getting skin cancer a few years ago, I have been trying to stay out of the sun. This means that I am pasty white all summer. I should care more about my life than being vain, but I love the summer glow that a tan gives. Recently, before a vacation, I was discussing this with a friend and she said I should get a spray tan. Duh! Why have I not thought of this before?!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Where I stood for the spray tan.</td></tr>
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So I made an appointment! When I showed up it was a young girl, maybe 20 years old who was my spray lady. (Is that what they are called??) After discussing colors, we settled on a medium brown that she would mix specifically for my skin type. Then, she told me I could get naked, or wear my underwear. I opted to wear my underwear. She gave me large black stickers to put on the bottoms of my feet. After that I rubbed a special lotion on the palms of my hands and tops of my feet.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaB-U5_MTk3neBiSZhDL7YPBnDUZrvB7UhQFI0Wbpx_nVPsWMFAfk_3dvuZ2ihH75K6pDLWwAlgVn1OPBzzKwlhMuG6LRgqX-UmKrsBja3ZZ_bYwPPZZSiDIMBzieo76JMPQyK_ft4tyJO/s1600/IMG_7901.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaB-U5_MTk3neBiSZhDL7YPBnDUZrvB7UhQFI0Wbpx_nVPsWMFAfk_3dvuZ2ihH75K6pDLWwAlgVn1OPBzzKwlhMuG6LRgqX-UmKrsBja3ZZ_bYwPPZZSiDIMBzieo76JMPQyK_ft4tyJO/s640/IMG_7901.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just after getting sprayed.</td></tr>
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She said she was going to do a few different sprays. The first spray would be to prime my skin. The second spray would be tanner. And the third spray would set everything. So, with my arms and legs spread out she started the spraying. After doing the front side I would turn around, stick out my butt, and she would spray my back side.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkkgbouPBsgLrS9KylpHg9vcdzuUUI4ghBW1YU2vDQA9EcuprbGsnBcgr8MJsLzC1XY5MeWiviz6eiEdPvPvl-4BMXhwQ81jN2jlS7_oPOA5mFWPSKxm73rsGaBys_j1-aoGNQ1Uy5YwwA/s1600/IMG_7894.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkkgbouPBsgLrS9KylpHg9vcdzuUUI4ghBW1YU2vDQA9EcuprbGsnBcgr8MJsLzC1XY5MeWiviz6eiEdPvPvl-4BMXhwQ81jN2jlS7_oPOA5mFWPSKxm73rsGaBys_j1-aoGNQ1Uy5YwwA/s640/IMG_7894.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The room. It was dark with very intense lights shining on me.</td></tr>
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The whole process was quite interesting and a bit nerve wracking. I'm not going to lie, I got the nervous farts. Let's just say it was a good thing that sprayer was loud, because I was tooting those nervous farts the whole time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigZAah1g7hW_8NpLQLN3yPvOPAhpNyDOhunTkXjOlBcrG_lVw-so0I0IK9YzN8kIR-3Zh817t3teX3QhVXhcFE5MBrTT7U_KeR1IzGXq1q5wMiYTGqg_zeRlMltQo0Y1LA_EtL_hFGJBJa/s1600/IMG_7899.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigZAah1g7hW_8NpLQLN3yPvOPAhpNyDOhunTkXjOlBcrG_lVw-so0I0IK9YzN8kIR-3Zh817t3teX3QhVXhcFE5MBrTT7U_KeR1IzGXq1q5wMiYTGqg_zeRlMltQo0Y1LA_EtL_hFGJBJa/s640/IMG_7899.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the tanning machine. It was very loud.</td></tr>
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From start to finish the whole process took about an hour and cost me $50. At the end of it all, I was told not to wear a bra for the rest of the day. I was also not supposed to shower for 6-8 hours. This left me sticky and free-boobing it all day. Had I known this, I think I would have gone later in the day, rather than first thing in the morning.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzhT6PJhLgl7z0viIKRUjEXLfC-Rm9e_jEx5z9M4zCy-9imnrq4YTzMubIM0vOZ7VG3sjISK18aHP2kfa5tNtXuWzI8BKHdsmRdEuX0uNPjF_4FsjUUF41ZFesjCkY-AJ0wUszSaWRGbRg/s1600/IMG_7904.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzhT6PJhLgl7z0viIKRUjEXLfC-Rm9e_jEx5z9M4zCy-9imnrq4YTzMubIM0vOZ7VG3sjISK18aHP2kfa5tNtXuWzI8BKHdsmRdEuX0uNPjF_4FsjUUF41ZFesjCkY-AJ0wUszSaWRGbRg/s640/IMG_7904.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was immediately after being sprayed. I was glowy and sticky.</td></tr>
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Overall, it was a positive experience and the tan worked! I smelled like coconut for about a week, and that is also how long the tan lasted. I was able to stay out of the sun AND still show off a tan. I don't know if I would do something like this all summer long, but I'll definitely do it again before a vacation.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNUDJ4hLNjTrxNxtvrJ4ZwLT_PaCiZbBBn73cw3fyCXqBpCHLUf6-iD4jlxniCFNXTWMuByLicoFrYlXnA6OuoflKpMiL-57TGZZ4vA9Md8C5N8tgg74q9sENyDfI3LRwrWPlpmeFAfJOu/s1600/IMG_8008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNUDJ4hLNjTrxNxtvrJ4ZwLT_PaCiZbBBn73cw3fyCXqBpCHLUf6-iD4jlxniCFNXTWMuByLicoFrYlXnA6OuoflKpMiL-57TGZZ4vA9Md8C5N8tgg74q9sENyDfI3LRwrWPlpmeFAfJOu/s640/IMG_8008.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All tan, yet safely shaded on the beach.</td></tr>
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Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-86088162789644209792018-03-09T09:44:00.001-05:002018-03-09T09:46:41.868-05:00Complications of Motherhood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This blog post is being written as a procrastination to writing a literary analysis on Hamlet for a literature class I am taking right now. How is it that whenever I have a lot to do, I end up doing none of the important stuff, and instead, find my way back to things like this blog? I am going to blame it on my unruly mind.<br />
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It has been a long time since I have written anything here. Motherhood, life, and depression have consumed me. I have lacked creativity, drive, and passion. That is something that I hoped I would never say. Creativity, drive, and passion have always been the core of my being, so to be without those has been like wandering in a cold, dry desert. To my recent realization though, this is quite normal for moms! How did I not know this?! Probably because people don't talk about it. Admitting that you are struggling is one of the hardest things to say.<br />
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There is a lot of talk about postpartum depression and even postpartum anxiety (<a href="http://www.ellieswonder.com/2016/04/my-history-with-anxiety.html" target="_blank">I struggled with this</a>), but there doesn't seem to be much talk of general motherhood depression. Maybe it is just a known fact? Maybe I am naive to these things? It is interesting though, because the more brave I get about mentioning my depression to people, the more I hear other moms saying the exact same thing! I had no idea that so many people I know are on medication, or in therapy. I will admit to being one of those people now. In fact, going to therapy has helped me realize all of this, and has given me the strength to speak up. I am struggling. There, I said it.<br />
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My child is over 2 1/2 years old, so I figured I would have things figured out by now. I don't. In fact, I feel more lost than ever. In the beginning of motherhood I felt like I had lost my identity due to life being centered around my child rather than myself. I got used to that and I grew into the new "normal" for my life. Somewhere along the way though, I started descending. Down, down, down. All of a sudden I felt like I had no purpose. My child is no longer a needy baby. She can dress herself and feed herself. So where does that put me? All of a sudden I needed a new purpose, but I have struggled to find it.<br />
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Upon mentioning this struggle for purpose to other people, I have realized that I am not the only one. A LOT of mom's struggle with this. Some go back to work, but struggle with their new role as mom and professional. Some stay at home and have more kids, but I've heard from friends that this just delays their need to find purpose. Then, there are some like me, who are at home part time, and then part time trying to figure out what the next step in life is. I cannot be a stay-at-home-mom, I just don't have what it takes. But, I also don't have a career. This puts me into limbo, thus the down, down, down.<br />
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As spring comes though, I feel a newness in the air. Spring for me has always felt like a fresh start. What will I make of this spring? How can I simplify my life and dig myself out of this deep, desert-like ditch? I honestly don't know, but I do know that writing this here and talking about my struggle helps. So here's to speaking my truth and helping others speak their truths too. As moms, lets start these conversations and make them ok things to talk about. Let's help each other get into therapy and take meds if need-be. Nothing is wrong with that. We need to remember that taking care of ourselves is necessary and important.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-59832007847581314832017-05-24T15:15:00.000-04:002017-05-24T15:15:39.046-04:00Take Me Home Country Roads!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We have done it again, we've moved! I know our moves are old news because they seem to happen every 6 months or so, but hopefully this is the last move for a while. We have been searching the past few years for a property with acreage so we can start a little homestead, and we have finally found that property!<br />
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We've moved back to the Shenandoah Valley and are so excited to call Linville, Virginia our home now! It is a property with 6.5 rolling acres. We also have a (distant) view of the mountains bordering West Virginia. Our hope is to grow a giant garden, get chickens, sheep, maybe pigs, maybe a cow, plant a variety of apple trees and grape vines, and get some wildflowers growing in the unused "meadow".<br />
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We have big hopes and plans, but of course no experience, so this will all be trial and error for us. And of course with everything, this will all take time. This year we are focusing on a small garden and hopefully chickens.<br />
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We have named the "farm" Whimsy Acres and I have started a separate Instagram account to document the property's beauty and of course our experiences. Feel free to follow the Instagram account: <b><u>whimsyacresva</u></b>. Also, I hope to write more about it here along with pictures. What an adventure we have gotten ourselves into!<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-43469075573058266682017-03-23T10:50:00.001-04:002017-03-23T10:50:21.693-04:00Millennial Motherhood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A while ago a friend of mine posted an article about why <a href="http://www.therooster.com/blog/10-brutally-real-reasons-why-millennials-refuse-have-kids" target="_blank">millennials are refusing to have kids</a> and I read it, enjoyed it, and agreed with a lot of it. What I didn't agree with though, was the part where they said:<br />
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"<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">Not all women are preprogrammed with maternal instincts."</span><br />
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You see, I WAS pre-programmed with maternal instincts. My dolls were my babies growing up, my younger brother was my baby growing up, and at a ripe young age of probably 6 I remember begging my mom to have more babies so that I could take care of them. Yep, that was me. Obviously I grew out of that baby obsession long enough to make it through high school and college, plus 6 years of marriage, but that was as long as I could last.<br />
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When I turned 30 I could take it no more, the urge to procreate was strong and I finally gave in. I had a baby for selfish reasons, curious reasons, and biological reasons. It all seemed like a happy-go-lucky great idea at the time. That was well before the reality of blow out diapers, colic, breastfeeding struggles, sleep depravation, body exhaustion, toddler messes, screaming tantrums, etc...had time to take root in my life. Well...I've had a good solid year and a half of those things and I am drained! Exhausted. Pooped.<br />
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I was sure that the maternal instinct that I mentioned above would make it IMPOSSIBLE to stop having babies. I was convinced that I'd have one and that would fan my fire to have more and more. I'd start a whole farm with the fruits of my loins! Before having a child I could see it well and clear, Andy and me, and our house full of children all happily and peacefully running around while we had tons of creative energy.<br />
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These days the story is very different! I am so thankful that times have changed and I, in fact, do NOT need (or want) to have any more children, (despite the occasional <a href="http://www.ellieswonder.com/2016/12/baby-feverugh.html" target="_blank">baby-fever</a>.) Like the Millennials article mentions, times have changed and children are no longer needed for populating the earth and helping to farm the family land.<br />
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My maternal and biological instinct does not need to rule my life. I can rule my life and make the decisions that are best for ME. And I am realizing/have realized just how draining children are. I love my child, but she drains me. Any creative, healthy energy that I have is absorbed by taking care of her. She has taken over my life. It is exciting to see her grow and develop, but along the way I can't help but feel like I am losing myself. Where have my hopes and dreams and creativity gone? What about my social life and career aspirations? This millennial mother is exhausted!<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-50107896991122226012016-12-22T12:54:00.001-05:002016-12-22T13:11:06.909-05:00Baby Fever...ugh!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3v3aD6tpIJ-d8vUtCxk21qjPn8n3iqEEIKww9yttH9cbzq6YzDy5wtVQSTUoWNo1uIHXgvOooHQEOqJrudQvfpGnQtZ_CQVtTQmOD27j_h0t0sHw_hZHuR1T-D_ZEyDW6hxRUKqxLUT31/s1600/Hazel+-+newborn+session-0016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="334" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3v3aD6tpIJ-d8vUtCxk21qjPn8n3iqEEIKww9yttH9cbzq6YzDy5wtVQSTUoWNo1uIHXgvOooHQEOqJrudQvfpGnQtZ_CQVtTQmOD27j_h0t0sHw_hZHuR1T-D_ZEyDW6hxRUKqxLUT31/s640/Hazel+-+newborn+session-0016.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hazel at 6-days old. Photo by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Robin-Skievaski-Photography-316190911783011/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Robin Skievaski</a> </td></tr>
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I have been avoiding writing this post because in my <a href="http://www.ellieswonder.com/2016/10/when-one-is-enough.html" target="_blank">last post</a> I declared to the world that "one is enough". That I only plan to have one child, that Andy's and my decision was well thought out (it was/is), and that I would never change my mind. Well...this is a grand lesson in Never-Say-Never!<br />
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After having Hazel, I couldn't understand how people had <b><i>more</i></b> children after their first. I was overwhelmed, my whole life changed, I didn't like the change, and I surely would never put myself in that situation again. I was quite happy with that thought until more recently. I cannot pinpoint what has changed, but I have this growing desire to add to my family. (And have like 5 more children!) Why...how...why?!<br />
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Despite an uncomfortable pregnancy, gestational diabetes, melanoma at the end of my pregnancy, being induced, 30 hours of labor, difficulty breastfeeding which resulted in formula feeding after 5 months, stress stress and MORE stress, sleepless nights, change in lifestyle, body-image issues, postpartum anxiety, solo-parenting...and the list goes on. So despite all of these things in addition to having a needy toddler, I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN! What?! How is that even possible?!<br />
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This cannot be me, something must have taken over my body. Why yes, something <b><i>has</i></b> taken over: hormones and biology. I've felt it before, twice in fact. Once when I was about 22 years old, and then again when Hazel was conceived. The urge to have a baby was overwhelming and took over my whole being. Luckily, I got over it the first time because I knew there was a lot that I wanted to do in my life without a child tagging along. The second time I obviously gave in because Hazel was created. But this third time is stumping me... I thought by having a child I had satisfied the biological urges and drives in my body. Not true though. Now that my body has done it once, it has this NEED to do it again. I can actually feel the need coursing through my veins. It is hard to explain, but that is what I have been feeling the last few months.<br />
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So...how to remedy this biological urge?? Well, seeing as Andy has had a vasectomy my options are limited. The whole purpose of a vasectomy was to prevent ourselves from having a second child, because WE ONLY WANTED ONE CHILD. So there's that. But- there are still options! Options enough that I am considering them!!! Seriously, I don't know how to handle this because my brain is saying, "No, you don't want to do this again, it will be hard and stressful, AGAIN!". But my body is saying, "Yessss, do it! Have another baby. You will feel gooood!" I could just ignore it all, and resolve that my baby making days are over...but the agony!<br />
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So this is baby fever, and my predicament. What an age we live in that we get to make these decisions for ourselves.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-8381575117115385372016-10-18T12:51:00.000-04:002016-10-18T13:08:25.091-04:00When one is enough<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMXyzWhACw7XLPUKgM0Tyy9IUq7UbE95q3FQLB1HfJJJz6LYQL8EiTM2eNwdUwkHuKau4UpI4tBssuPV2uLEghBCh01-PIL0Tj7m4A7A1AxHnrVVwx4rMlEwFGMnqbM99yj89IWp0fCyZD/s1600/summer+%252716+family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMXyzWhACw7XLPUKgM0Tyy9IUq7UbE95q3FQLB1HfJJJz6LYQL8EiTM2eNwdUwkHuKau4UpI4tBssuPV2uLEghBCh01-PIL0Tj7m4A7A1AxHnrVVwx4rMlEwFGMnqbM99yj89IWp0fCyZD/s640/summer+%252716+family.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Robin-Skievaski-Photography-316190911783011/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Robin Skievaski Photography</a></td></tr>
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Last week I had my annual gyn exam. My midwife asked what birth control I was using, and when I said "none" she looked at me surprised and concerned. Then, I proceeded to tell her that my husband had gotten a vasectomy and thus, I did not need any type of birth control. She continued to look at me surprised and concerned, then paused and slowly said, "well, I respect your decision".<br />
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"I respect your decision" was the professional thing to say, but it was frustrating for me when that comment was followed by pauses and concerned looks. No one says that when you say you are pregnant again! I am tired of defending this decision that Andy and I have made to not have any more children. Why can't we be happy for people who make responsible decisions?<br />
"So you've decided not to have any children? Congrats, I'm so happy that you know what is right for you."<br />
"So you've decided that one child is enough? How fantastic that you can make that decision and act on it responsibly."<br />
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Yes, we only want one child. One child is enough when we still have goals, dreams, and aspirations for ourselves. One child is enough when the trauma of pregnancy, childbirth, and bringing a newborn home is something that you never want to experience again. One child is enough if you've suffered from debilitating <a href="http://www.ellieswonder.com/2016/04/my-history-with-anxiety.html" target="_blank">postpartum anxiety</a>. One child is enough when you have a great community of like-minded friends who don't judge you for it. One child is enough when you want to be able to offer your child greater opportunities, rather than stretching the finances across multiple children. One child is enough if that is the decision that you want to make.<br />
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I am happy with our decision. I have not and will not regret it. Sure, there have been moments holding another persons baby where I think I could do it again, but I have made a decision NOT to do it again, and I am happy to stand by that. Please respect that. Don't judge me, don't feel bad for me, don't feel bad for my child. We chose to have one child, a vasectomy, and made a responsible family planning decision. We should be applauded because we are making decisions and being responsible about it.<br />
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Here's to responsible family planning, no matter what that means to you. I applaud you, for whatever decisions that you have made regarding your body and your family. Let us not judge, but be happy for each other!<br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-16016958481332026492016-10-04T14:09:00.000-04:002016-10-04T14:09:57.972-04:00Year of Rejuvenation! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Many of you know that we have moved AGAIN! Yes, it is true. How many times can one move in a year...apparently a lot. And this time it is to another state. Unfortunately, Andy doesn't have one of those live-in-one-place kind of jobs. He usually travels all over the place for work, which means Hazel, me, and Mr. Buckles (the dog) are left at home doing our own thing, eagerly awaiting his return.<br />
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Our move to Maryland is a long story, but hopefully it will mean that we will see more of Andy since the majority of his projects are here in MD. We are also hopeful that this move will only be for 1-year. At which time, we will happily move back to Harrisonburg and Andy will once again work remotely.<br />
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A lot of our moves are chosen by us, such as buying a new house, but a lot are also dictated by Andy's job. It is somewhat of a nomadic life, which I used to like, but have just decided that I am over it. Moving with a child and dog multiple times in a year is just draining. Back in our childless days, Andy and I would rock and roll a move! We'd put on some loud tunes, pack up our things, throw them into a truck, and off we'd go. We could be 100% moved in just 24 hours. Now'a'days moving isn't so simple. One of us has to watch the toddler, the dog gets anxiety so we have to pay special attention to him, so only one of us can move things until nap time, then nap time for the toddler is when we crank out the real work (no rest for parents), and so it goes until we are all moved. Shew, it is draining!<br />
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In the past year and half Andy and I bought a new (old fixer upper) house, completely renovated it ourselves while living in it and then living with friends, part of the renovation was during my pregnancy, then we brought our new baby home to that house, finished the renovation, bought a different house (a duplex!) in our favorite part of town, lived in one part while we rented the other, worked on updating and maintaining the part we were in, then moved to the other apartment and found new renters, fixed a bunch of things in that apartment and landscaped the backyard...and now we are moved yet again! So while we currently live in a tiny RENTED apartment in Maryland, we own two houses in Virginia, of which we have poured our blood, sweat, and tears into. This was not our original plan...but alas, it is life. And the hope is to get back to our home in Virginia (and houses) in a years time.<br />
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So all of that said, we have decided to make this year of living in Maryland a year of rejuvenation. We are planning for it to be a year of cooking fun healthy food, exercising as a family, and enjoying more of the outdoors, all the while living in an apartment and not worrying about renovating a house or doing yard work. (Not to say that we won't maintain our houses as rental properties, we just won't actively work on them.) I'm also making a monthly list of things that I would like to work on during this <b>year of rejuvenation</b>:<br />
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October......write more letters<br />
November......meditate every day<br />
December......get better at wine tasting<br />
January......yoga/hot yoga<br />
February......do more drawing/art<br />
March......learn new recipes<br />
April......exercise outside every day<br />
May......hike a new trail every weekend<br />
June......go to bed early<br />
July......photograph something every day<br />
August......no sugar<br />
September......drink 10 glasses of water a day<br />
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May it be a healthful year of rejuvenation in Maryland!<br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-35496475675809388872016-08-16T10:55:00.000-04:002016-08-16T10:55:32.599-04:00One year of Motherhood!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr2Qpd2gKb9pLdK64DyHvHd-si1XuvSQVQirifHJ3tQhZjuJnzJeOpqEmDKKD-kg4glMxBaaiY2q3y_HBjB7vEtBrGDYoY0BtWv52PPHWIeSF-eM1UcU3sCBussFbmcvhCxLJ7ZZyOIOgN/s1600/mother+daughter_ellies+wonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="330" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr2Qpd2gKb9pLdK64DyHvHd-si1XuvSQVQirifHJ3tQhZjuJnzJeOpqEmDKKD-kg4glMxBaaiY2q3y_HBjB7vEtBrGDYoY0BtWv52PPHWIeSF-eM1UcU3sCBussFbmcvhCxLJ7ZZyOIOgN/s640/mother+daughter_ellies+wonder.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo credit: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Robin-Skievaski-Photography-316190911783011/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Robin Skievaski Photography</a></td></tr>
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It is blowing my mind that I have been a mom for a whole year now! It is true what they say, that time flies when you have children/child. No other year in my life has flown by as fast. It has been a year of adjusting, learning, stressing, and growing. I have learned so much about myself this year. I can honestly say that Hazel has changed me, and for the better. I would never be who I am today if I had not had her.<br />
<br />
Some things that I have learned in my first year of Motherhood:<br />
<br />
<b>Anxiety is real</b><br />
I knew about anxiety and that I had it well before having a baby. (<a href="http://www.ellieswonder.com/2016/04/my-history-with-anxiety.html" target="_blank">My story here</a>.) BUT, anxiety became real in my every day life after having a baby, unlike it ever was before. Everyone talks about postpartum depression, but no one really talks about postpartum anxiety. I was prepared for depression. In fact, I had experienced a little pregnancy depression so I was on high alert for postpartum depression. It never hit though, instead, anxiety crept in and took over my life. I was so anxious that I struggled to leave the house for the first five months. Anxiety is SO REAL, and can be extremely debilitating.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Women friendships are huge</b><br />
I feel so lucky to have given birth in my hometown. I had the support of childhood girlfriends, college girlfriends, and<b> </b>newer girlfriends from the last few years. The women in my life have been incredible and have shown me just how important it is to support each other. From meals, to long conversations, to rocking my screaming baby, to late night texting, to helping me get out of the house, to inviting me over for wine, I appreciate all of my women friendships 10x more now. I honestly could not have survived this first year without them.<br />
<br />
<b>Support is important</b><br />
Yeah yeah, this one is a given, BUT REALLY, support from friends and family was/is so important. I was horrible at asking for help in the beginning, but I am getting better at it. What I am learning is that people <b><i>want</i></b> to help, it makes them feel good to help. So why not<b> </b>let them? They say it takes a village to raise a child and that is so true. I am happy to have our friends be such a big part of Hazel's and our life.<br />
<br />
<b>"Me" time is necessary</b><br />
I'm not going to lie, I loooove "me" time. This was something that I worried about before having Hazel. The older I get, the more happy I am to do things by myself. In fact, it brings me joy and gives me energy to spend time on my own without other people. After having Hazel, my life was ruled by a baby hanging off of me that needed me 24/7. I quickly realized that in order to stay sane I would need to<b> </b>make time for me. It started slowly with 10 minutes here, then 30 minutes there, then an hour, a few hours, finally a whole day at daycare. I felt and still feel guilty about putting Hazel in daycare since she doesn't need to be there, but I am a better person for it. It allows me the much needed "me" time (even if I am just doing laundry and running errands) to regenerate energy, and it allows her time to be social and play with other kids. So really, "me" time is a win win situation for both Hazel and me.<br />
<br />
<b>Spouse admiration</b><br />
This one is huge, whoa baby! I've known Andy since I was 13, and while we have both changed a lot through the years, I figured I knew everything about him.<b> </b>Not true though, I had no idea how he would be with a baby, but he has exceeded my expectations! I am learning just how great of a father he is. I love to hear him tell Hazel stories in different voices and rock her to sleep, I love that he airplane's her food to her mouth and plays with her toys. When I see Andy caring for Hazel and loving her it makes my heart grow for him in ways that I didn't think possible. Now more than ever, he is my partner and best friend. We are in this together and we are figuring out how to be good parents and how to support and love each other through it.<br />
<br />
<b>Flexibility is key </b><br />
Soo...I thought I was a pretty flexible person before having a baby, but I am discovering that is not so true after all. I am learning that I had a lot of expectations in my head about how having a baby would be. Then, things didn't go as planned (ahem, <a href="http://www.ellieswonder.com/2016/01/a-breastfeeding-story.html" target="_blank">breastfeeding</a>) and I fought the flow of things to the point of stressing myself out. So, now I am learning to go with the flow and be more flexible. Things will not always go as planned and in that case I just need to accept the change and move on or make adjustments. This is a work in progress. :)<br />
<br />
<b>Love is a learned thing</b><br />
Being on facebook often, I see people announce the birth of their child by saying that they are already "so in love". This was not the case for me. Yes, I loved my baby, but I was not "in love" with her. In fact, I was not even attached to her. I had no problem handing her over to someone else for minutes or even hours. I also never worried about her until more recently.<b> </b>It was a huge concern to me that I was not "in love" with my daughter, but I learned that over time love grows. Despite the crying, the long nights, the frustration, I slowly began to love my daughter more and more. At about the 6-month mark I was happily (and finally) in love with my child. And that love just keeps on growing as our relationship as mother and daughter grows. I feel like our attachment is healthy and real, it just needed time. <br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Change is real</b><br />
This is also a work in progress. Having a baby was the LARGEST life change that I have ever experienced. It was more of a change than I think I was ready for, but ready or not it happened. In a very naive way I figured life would go back to normal after Hazel was born. I figured my body would go back to normal, my social life would go back to normal, and I would just haul this little baby along in my normal life. NOPE, wrong. My body will never be the same again. While I have lost most of the baby weight, I am softer than before. This is a change that takes some getting used to. :) And as for social life, well that is constantly changing. When Hazel was a tiny baby we had about 1-2 hour increments to be social before she broke down and all hell let lose. As she gets older we have more time to be social, but now we work around nap and bed times. Going to restaurants is becoming difficult because she likes to throw food and make a huge mess. So I am learning that life with a baby (now toddler) is just constantly changing. As soon as we develop a routine it is changed because of teething or crawling or this or that. Bottom line, having a child means CONSTANT change.<br />
<br />
All of these things I have learned and will continue to learn as I grow in Motherhood. But really, what a gift it is to be a mother!<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b> </b><br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-50952495979045370292016-06-27T15:49:00.001-04:002016-06-27T15:57:22.212-04:00Death and Remembering<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF2Ru2pzdbt8ftnTNUYsKsZxx82gkprKXTawWwSmR4csz1kJUe4PHTajI_qGODtz3RYGbzkX_JwDtoniZ4S1j2183Wj4wQumznb1-lzVxd-A0HCxxSTG4BzVQ70tJ5fGf6vvHjzCehGO27/s1600/remembering+jenna_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF2Ru2pzdbt8ftnTNUYsKsZxx82gkprKXTawWwSmR4csz1kJUe4PHTajI_qGODtz3RYGbzkX_JwDtoniZ4S1j2183Wj4wQumznb1-lzVxd-A0HCxxSTG4BzVQ70tJ5fGf6vvHjzCehGO27/s400/remembering+jenna_ellieswonder.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Spontaneous night of wine and face painting with Jenna & friends, about 2013)</td></tr>
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<br />
Death is never a subject that I want to write or talk about, but a year ago a close friend of mine died. Since then, I have been learning to mourn, process, and remember.<br />
<br />
I didn't know much about death growing up. When I was a kid my favorite Uncle Doug died. He committed suicide, and I don't remember my family ever talking about it after it happened. He died, his depression was mentioned, his suicide was mentioned, and then the whole subject was dropped forever. We never talked about it again. My grandparents and other aunt and uncle never talked about Uncle Doug in conversation, and we definitely never did anything special to remember him. His life and his memory were swept under the rug and forgotten.<br />
<br />
Having that experience as a kid set the stage for how I would treat death up until now. Anytime there was death around me I ignored it. I didn't talk about it, I didn't remember the person, and I avoided funerals. It was as if the deceased person was erased from my life and I had no opinion about it. That is, until I married Andy.<br />
<br />
Andy comes from a pretty tight knit family. After marrying Andy and spending time with his family, I very quickly learned about his Aunt Mim. (Mim short for Miriam, which is where Hazel, our daughter, gets her middle name from.) Andy's Aunt Mim was hit by a school bus and died about 10 years ago. Andy's family has a facebook page to remember her, they tell stories about her, they still have a lot of her things which are guarded in the family as prized possessions, and they remember her birthday and death anniversary every year. I have never experienced so much positive remembering of a deceased person. There is not much sadness either, the family finds joy in remembering Aunt Mim.<br />
<br />
Now, I know that suicide and being hit by a bus are very different ways of dying, but does the way that someone dies affect how we remember them? I would hope to think not. A life has ended, and it is up to us to keep the memories alive of that life, or we will truly lose them forever. If they were a person that we cared about, then where is the shame in remembering them every year? There should be no shame in remembrance! That is what I am learning. Until now, I have felt deep shame and sadness in remembering people I've known that have died.<br />
<br />
Just about a year ago, my good friend Jenna died. She had ovarian cancer and it took her life far too soon. At about the time that Jenna died, I was getting ready to give birth. I didn't have much time for processing and grief before bringing a new baby into this world and into my life. After the baby came, it was easy for me to do what I have always done with death, and "forget " Jenna. I was so distracted with newborn life that I didn't have time to process Jenna's death and figure out how or if I would remember her. Until a close friend of mine changed that.<br />
<br />
This close friend of mine talked about Jenna nonstop. I think it was her way of mourning and processing our dear friend's death. She brought up Jenna in almost every conversation, even ones where I felt it was inappropriate. All of this remembrance and conversation of Jenna made me uncomfortable. The more my friend did this though, the more comfortable I felt and the easier it was for me to process everything around Jenna's death. All of a sudden, I realized that if I wanted to share a nice or funny story about Jenna, that I could! It was quite an amazing realization for me.<br />
<br />
Between Andy's family and this close friend of mine, I have learned that remembering is ok, it is good, it is healthy and positive, and can even help others around me. I am still sad that my friend Jenna is gone, but I am SO HAPPY that I can remember her and all the joy and happy times she once brought to my life. She was a good friend who is now dead, but I will not forget her. I will continue to talk about her and remember her, because she is someone that I cared about. There doesn't have to be sadness and shame in remembering, but joy. That is where I am at, and I feel positive about it on this almost anniversary of Jenna's death.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-28911810522297237062016-05-19T12:11:00.000-04:002016-05-19T18:21:12.760-04:00Coconut Curry Soup with Chicken<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have had some DELICIOUS coconut curries in my past travels! Unfortunately, when I make a recipe, it never tastes the same as when I eat a coconut curry elsewhere. I set out a few months ago to figure out where I was going wrong, and to develop my own recipe that I would be happy with.<br />
<br />
This recipe is perfect! (In my opinion.) I think I found the crucial ingredient to making it taste the way that it does. Fish sauce! I am not a big fan of fishy flavors, and fish sauce by itself is whoa fishy! In this soup you don't taste the fish flavor though, instead it adds saltiness and brings out the other flavors. I can't get enough of it, especially in this unseasonably cold spring weather we are having.<br />
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<u><b>Coconut Curry Soup with Chicken</b></u><br />
-1 1/2-2 lbs. chicken<br />
1 Tablespoon coconut oil <br />
-4 cups chicken stock<br />
-16 oz. mushrooms<br />
-green onions<br />
-1 yellow onion<br />
-4-5 cloves garlic<br />
-1 Tablespoon freshly grated ginger <br />
-1 Tablespoon fish sauce<br />
-1 Tablespoon curry powder (more if you like a stronger flavor)<br />
-1 can coconut milk<br />
-1 can bamboo shoots<br />
-1 can mini corn<br />
-salt to taste<br />
-garnish with fresh basil and lime juice<br />
<br />
Cut chicken into small bite sized pieces and boil in a large pot of water until cooked. About 8 minutes boiling. You can use the water from the chicken as your chicken stock, or drain and add a store bought chicken stock.<br />
<br />
In a pan, saute with the coconut oil: yellow onion, garlic, and mushrooms.<br />
<br />
Add sauteed ingredients to the chicken and stock. You may need to add more liquid (water) to make the soup more brothy. Add the rest of the ingredients and cook on medium for 15-20 minutes.<br />
<br />
Garnish with fresh basil and lime juice. You can add a scoop of rice to this soup as well.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-2778827391759088522016-05-11T11:33:00.001-04:002016-05-11T11:35:19.937-04:00Tips for packing and moving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love to move, it invigorates me! A friend recently commented that since we move so often we must be pros at it. I have never given it a second thought, but yes, I guess we are pros at it. :) Through each move we learn something different, and have thus developed quite a few tips and tricks. Here are just a few of the handy things we do when we move:<br />
<br />
<b>-Out with the old and unused!!</b><br />
First of all, sort through ALL of your things. Yes, this can be a tedious process but is so rewarding in the end. Get rid of those things that you don't use anymore, that don't bring you joy. By getting rid of these things first, your move will be lighter and you won't have to pack as much stuff. (I am always amazed at the amount of unworn clothes I am able to dig out of my closet!)<br />
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<b>-Invest in rubbermaid containers</b><br />
If you move often, it is helpful to just invest in some sturdy moving containers/boxes. A few moves ago we bought a whole bunch of rubbermaid containers and now we use them for each move. They are convenient, heavy duty (don't fall apart), and are even great for storage after you move. (Or, you can use them as furniture!)<br />
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<b>-Use moving straps</b><br />
We first borrowed these from a friend and after discovering how awesome they are, bought our own set. Since Andy and I don't hire anyone to move our stuff, these <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00022749Q/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00022749Q&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=KUVSN25BWJ5U3T2A%22%3EShoulder%20Dolly%202-Person%20Lifting%20and%20Moving%20System%20-%20Easily%20Move,%20Lift,%20Carry,%20And%20Secure%20Furniture,%20Appliances,%20Heavy%20Objects%20Without%20Back%20Pain!%20Straps%20and%20Harnesses%20for%202%20Movers%20-%20Great%20Tool%20To%20Add%20To%20Moving%20Supplies!%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00022749Q" target="_blank">moving straps</a> have come in SO handy. Andy and I are able to lift anything with them because they offset and distribute the weight. They are probably the most useful, awesome moving tool that we own. <br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Wrap dishes and delicate things in plastic bags</b><br />
Like most people, we have an excessive amount grocery bags accumulating in our house. I like to save them for picking up dog poop and moving! I use them to wrap our dishes and any other delicate things we may have. They provide great padding, AND if something breaks, then it is contained within the bag for easy cleanup.<br />
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<b>-Find moving boxes in store dumpsters</b><br />
We primarily use our rubbermaid containers for moving, but if we need a few more boxes I will go grab them from a store dumpster. Stores like the Dollar Store usually have tons of boxes that they get rid of. You can even call Lowes or Home Depot first thing in the morning and have them save you a few of their giant appliances boxes. <br />
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<b>-Pack per room and label</b><br />
This is probably a well known moving technique, but I figured I would throw it in with the mix. When you pack things by room and label the boxes, then unpacking at your next destination is SO EASY. <br />
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<b>-Use plastic wrap</b><br />
We learned this trick by moving overseas. In the airport, they had a giant plastic wrap machine that would wrap peoples luggage for extra safety and protection. So we adopted that technique, especially for things like mattresses. We buy the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029B0NG4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0029B0NG4&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=KEVYNJZWWSP5ZBAT%22%3E80%20Gauge%20Stretch%20Wrap%2020%22%20X%201000%27%20L%20With%20Extended%20Core%20Handles%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0029B0NG4" target="_blank">giant bulk plastic wrap</a> on amazon and wrap the mattress, couches, throw blankets over other furniture and then wrap them too. <br />
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<b>-Use trash bags for items on hangers</b><br />
Instead of taking our clothing off of hangers and packing them in boxes, we just put a hole in a heavy duty trash bag, and then stuff a bunch of hangers through the hole. Then we tape the hangers around the top of the bag. This allows you to keep your things on hangers, and they are also protected this way. <br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-1814389152070851682016-05-06T12:16:00.000-04:002016-05-06T12:27:39.571-04:00The benefits of moving often (yes we are moving again)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It is no secret that I LOVE to move! Maybe it stems from growing up as a missionary kid where we traveled and moved all the time OR, maybe I just hate commitment. (Though, that's another post altogether!) Either way, I am lucky to be married to Andy because he enjoys moving just as much as I do. We will see where Hazel falls on the moving spectrum...<br />
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So, why move after we put a whole years worth of work into renovating our current house?? Ha, why not? Andy and I have a pretty decent track record of moving every two years. We just so happen to hit the two year mark for our current house this June, so we figured it was time to move on. I have been dying to get back to the neighborhood where I grew up (old town, right next to downtown) and this move is going to take us there. We bought one big old house that is actually a duplex. No, it does not need any work. Yes, we will be landlords. The plan is to live in one half of the house and rent the other half. It should be interesting, but we are excited for a new adventure. This time, it is an adventure in being landlords! We are also excited to be spending LESS time working on a house and MORE time outside, downtown, and just enjoying life in general.<br />
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But really, there are huge benefits to moving often. The more I move, the more I enjoy it and realize how good it is. I feel like moving houses (or apartments) cleanses my head, my soul, my life. Yes, I may be weird, but I do believe there is something to it! When we move, it forces us to reevaluate everything. In order to pack our things we (Andy and I) first have to go through everything that we own and figure out what is worth making the move, and what isn't. I learned this the hard way when we <a href="http://ellieswonder.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-minimalist-lifestyle.html" target="_blank">moved across the US</a> to California and took everything without evaluating first. Now, I know to sort through everything we have accumulated and keep only the useful important things, while getting rid of the rest. This allows us to move with a clean slate.<br />
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I have written posts before about living a <a href="http://ellieswonder.blogspot.com/2013/03/10-ways-to-become-minimalist.html" target="_blank">minimalist lifestyle</a>, but I often forget to take my own advice. It isn't until we move that I remember my minimalist desires. So with each move, I am able to think minimal again. I can see all of our things and decide which bring me joy, which do I use often, and then discard the rest. There is no sense in keeping things that I do not use. With each move, there is a large purge, and with each purge I get a sense of lightness and freedom from "stuff". It is fantastic! Almost addictive for me. Thus the moving every two years, I guess.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-38710971103048403972016-05-04T16:08:00.001-04:002016-05-04T16:08:54.465-04:00Zoodles, it's what's for dinner!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFXw1djugbvOorqHg7TQm3kHJPpJp30AFE4Iu89UUc3YOnXCIGobRDU-AdjmZOdb3bLLjliGMDnnS8HtNmdsSz6DKi8Esb14-Dd6ZuIEXZJ5ZlFSWWVjn4LKfK_q9_3XQD6B1f-qNCcnVS/s1600/how+to+make+zoodles_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFXw1djugbvOorqHg7TQm3kHJPpJp30AFE4Iu89UUc3YOnXCIGobRDU-AdjmZOdb3bLLjliGMDnnS8HtNmdsSz6DKi8Esb14-Dd6ZuIEXZJ5ZlFSWWVjn4LKfK_q9_3XQD6B1f-qNCcnVS/s320/how+to+make+zoodles_ellieswonder.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Zoodles! Yes, they are a thing. Zoodles are zucchini noodles. Zucchini, when cooked, can have a similar consistency to noodles and a bland enough flavor that they can mimic pasta noodles. Since these noodles are zucchini though, you get far less carbs and calories in your meal, and an extra blast of those good-for-you veggies. (Or a healthy pasta option if you are gluten-free!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFD93HbeeLE5jwVZiXMDw5DcdX7YSnkx4_IgWcIr3RuGBZSOkkaEVsmG1vUsBEtJ8QOpQXXg5Gzb4XDA61_0Q3OZElgFptkbBGdiit2Oe2QOa8vcnxr0v39vL5Qt38tb2QHsdEs3Pq2Dp1/s1600/how+to+make+zoodles_ellieswonder2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFD93HbeeLE5jwVZiXMDw5DcdX7YSnkx4_IgWcIr3RuGBZSOkkaEVsmG1vUsBEtJ8QOpQXXg5Gzb4XDA61_0Q3OZElgFptkbBGdiit2Oe2QOa8vcnxr0v39vL5Qt38tb2QHsdEs3Pq2Dp1/s640/how+to+make+zoodles_ellieswonder2.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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I have been cooking with zoodles for a while now and figured I would share the joy! First of all, zoodles can be created in a variety of ways. If you want to try zoodles before you buy a zoodle-making contraption then your best bet is going to be using a plain old <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00004OCIP/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00004OCIP&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=7EAS6SZKCDAJXOR4%22%3EOXO%20Good%20Grips%20Swivel%20Peeler%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00004OCIP" target="_blank">peeler</a>. Just peel peel peel the zucchini until you have used as much of the zucchini as you can. A mid-grade option for making zoodles, and the one that I have, is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00KIVD1PC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00KIVD1PC&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=FTH4AAD55JCWHH73%22%3EPremium%20Vegetable%20Spiralizer%20Bundle%20-%20Spiral%20Slicer%20-%20Best%20Veggie,%20Zucchini%20Spaghetti%20Pasta%20Noodle%20Maker%20-%20Black%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00KIVD1PC" target="_blank">this one</a> that is like a pencil sharpener. It is small, simple, and makes two sizes of zoodles without too much effort. Lastly, there is a much <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GRIR87M/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00GRIR87M&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=FD2KIEBGGKJVMFWU%22%3ESpiralizer%20Tri-Blade%20Vegetable%20Spiral%20Slicer,%20Strongest-Heaviest,%20Best%20Veggie%20Pasta%20Spaghetti%20Maker%20for%20Low%20Carb/Paleo/Gluten-Free%20Meals%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00GRIR87M" target="_blank">fancier contraption</a>. This device seems to be even easier and more accurate in the making of zoodles. (You can also use these with other vegetables!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnSZfmFElwX_Gj4U-LYFUY4sgbAO3N5q4BGq3jUCJ1YZLJYFnHDtJgwKJX1_oi6TxMzPRdFzMRgtMqIj0zkUojGT6KrhhLmnyZWYd3Q3MA5nLFHwv4h5FBKnkDEN_LKO69zuPYw1S2k11S/s1600/how+to+make+zoodles_ellieswonder3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnSZfmFElwX_Gj4U-LYFUY4sgbAO3N5q4BGq3jUCJ1YZLJYFnHDtJgwKJX1_oi6TxMzPRdFzMRgtMqIj0zkUojGT6KrhhLmnyZWYd3Q3MA5nLFHwv4h5FBKnkDEN_LKO69zuPYw1S2k11S/s640/how+to+make+zoodles_ellieswonder3.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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How to:<br />
Once you have used the contraption of your choice to make zoodles you will need to cook them. Since this is in fact zucchini and not real pasta, you will want to saute it rather than boiling it. I heat up a skillet with some butter or coconut oil and then toss in the zucchini. You can cook it to the firmness that you prefer. I like mine on the more crispy side. Then add whatever sauce or toppings that you like.<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<u><b>Mediterranean Zoodles with Chicken</b></u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-2-3 baked chicken breasts</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-4 medium zucchini</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-3 Tbs pesto</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-feta cheese</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-3 roma tomatoes (or 1 large tomato)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-6 garlic cloves</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
-3 tbs butter</div>
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Heat butter in skillet and add garlic. Cook until garlic is lightly browned. Add zucchini noodles and cook until desired consistency. Remove from heat and stir in pesto. Chop tomatoes and baked chicken breasts and add to zoodles. Top with feta cheese.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-1820345667636029532016-04-28T13:21:00.001-04:002016-05-09T12:13:00.993-04:00My History with Anxiety<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It seems like people are talking more and more about anxiety these days. I love it! It makes me so happy that issues kept quiet in the past are now common talk. I think it helps everyone to be able to openly discuss something like anxiety. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this blog has mostly become a place for me to process life and speak my truth. I am happy for other people to read it, and in doing so I hope that I can be helpful or even motivational.<br />
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So anxiety... I get a little anxious even just typing that out, ha! Anxiety can surface in a variety of ways. For me, it appears in jitters, stomach flips, vision loss, sometimes flushing of the skin, and last but not least, panic attacks. My anxiety didn't show up until my parents divorce when I was about 19 years old. Since then it has come and gone with the events that have happened in my life. Here is my story of anxiety thus far. <br />
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At 19 years old and a freshman in my second semester of college my parents decided to get a divorce. This divorce came out of NOWHERE! I had no idea my parents were having problems. My family was a solid missionary family, we were the model of the perfect Christian family. Seriously, I had often thought that my family was too perfect. Well, not so. I won't go into all the details, but long story short my parents got a divorce because my mom was gay and felt like she couldn't live the lie of a straight marriage anymore. Both of my brothers were upset so I felt like it was up to me to stay strong. I put on a happy face and pretended like everything was ok, but deep down everything was very very messed up. This is when the anxiety started.<br />
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I went to a small college in a small community where a lot of people knew me and my family. After the divorce I was afraid to look people in the face for fear that I would see pity in their eyes. I did NOT want to be pitied for the tragedy that my family had become. I also knew that people didn't approve of my mom's "gayness", so I also didn't want to see those looks of disapproval. (Though, I did see plenty of those looks.) Avoiding people that knew my family was impossible, so the anxiety began to creep in. Anytime I saw or spoke with someone that knew of my parents divorce I felt like my insides were rotting and on fire. My eyes would often blur or my vision just went black sometimes. It was an incredibly crippling feeling. So to get past it I just ignored as many people as I could. Or I drank, or smoked weed. Those helped for a short amount of time, but the relief was never long term.<br />
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The summer after my freshman year of college I moved to the beach. I had escaped! At first it felt really good. I didn't know anyone, the anxiety was gone, I felt like I could start over. As the summer went on though, I began to miss my family desperately. I felt like I had just abandoned them for my own sanity and it felt wrong. Then I had my first panic attack. I was driving and another car cut in front of me. It was nothing, no accident, not even close. But it set something off inside of me. I freaked out, then my vision began to go black, and all of a sudden my fists clenched. Luckily I was able to pull my car over and just barely got it into park before I lost all control of my body. From that point, my whole body seized up. It felt like every single muscle in my body was fully tensed. My fists were clenched so tight that my nails were digging into my skin. My chest was heavy and I couldn't breathe. I had to gasp for air. All the while my vision was blacked out and I couldn't see anything. I honestly thought I was dying. Everything inside of me felt like it was failing. Luckily a passing car stopped and called 911. An ambulance came and got me. They loaded me into the ambulance and calmed me down on the way to the hospital. Once my breathing was under control everything went back to normal in my body. I could see again and my fists unclenched. They told me I had a panic attack. After that, I moved back home for the rest of the summer.<br />
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Throughout that summer I had two more pretty sever panic attacks, both while I was driving. I began carrying a brown paper bag with me everywhere I went in case I needed to breathe into it to get my breath back to normal. It was a rough summer, especially as my parents finalized their divorce and put our house up for sale. I had anxiety for the rest of college, and a few more panic attacks. I figured out how to manage the panic attacks, but the anxiety never went away.<br />
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Since college I have worked SO HARD at managing my anxiety. It comes and goes. If there is a big event in my life it usually comes back pretty severely. When I got married, a wedding was out of the question for me. I knew it would bring on all sorts of anxiety, so Andy and I eloped. While I am sad that we never had a wedding, I do feel like I dodged a huge bullet and was able to escape a lot of anxiety and stress. Big family events still bring on a lot of anxiety, but at least I am not the center of attention, so the anxiety is manageable.<br />
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When I gave birth to Hazel I had an inkling that my anxiety may come back, and it sure did. After bringing Hazel home the anxiety settled in like a dark cloud. Not a depressing cloud, just an uptight anxious one. I was anxious about leaving the house, anxious about breastfeeding, anxious about visitors. Pretty much everything caused me severe anxiety, and I was so overwhelmed with having a newborn that I couldn't control the anxiety like I had in the past. When Andy had to go back to working out of town during the week, my anxiety would get so bad right before he left that I would vomit. It was embarrassing and I was so overwhelmed. I didn't even tell Andy at the time that I was anxious because I was embarrassed for feeling out of control of myself. While Andy was gone all week I would just hole up in the house with Hazel out of fear of leaving the house. If we needed something, too bad, I wasn't leaving.<br />
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I finally realized that my anxiety was taking over my life. I began setting small goals for myself to leave the house with Hazel. Slowly, little by little, I got out more. In the beginning it felt horrible and wrong, but I left the house anyway. Then I started to exercise and eat better. That's when I noticed a HUGE difference in my anxiety. I began feeling more confident, more healthy, and that helped with leaving the house. I didn't mind talking to strangers anymore, or doing multiple errands in one day. I still have anxiety, but I finally feel like it is under control again. I don't think my anxiety will ever completely go away, but I know how to control it for the most part. Now I also know that exercise helps with it, SO MUCH. I am happy to constantly be arming myself with little things to combat my anxiety.<br />
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<b>Some things that I find are helpful when I am anxious:</b><br />
-I have taken <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00016QT7Q/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00016QT7Q&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=5XCIMM53QUGRT4CL%22%3ERescue%20Remedy%20(20ml%20vial)%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00016QT7Q" target="_blank">this</a> before and helps calm me down in a very gradual way.<br />
-I like to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000NVPPYC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000NVPPYC&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=YAWYQKBSNWZPCH7G%22%3ETums%20Smoothies%20Antacid%20Chewable%20Tablets,%20Berry%20Fusion%20-%2060%20Count%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000NVPPYC" target="_blank">pop these</a> (ha!) before a job interview. They really work with my stomach nerves! <br />
-I've great things about <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00WRM5Z68/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00WRM5Z68&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=JDSOXXYIEDYOAX2Z%22%3EZenta%20Anxiety%20Relief%20-%20Natural%20Anxiety,%20Stress,%20&%20Panic%20Relief%20Supplement%20-%2060%20Veggie%20Capsules%20-%20Mood%20Enhancer%20Anti-anxiety%20Pills%20-%20Best%20Anxiety%20Supplements%20-%20Natural%20Stress%20Relief%20Supplement%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00WRM5Z68" target="_blank">Zenta</a>, but I haven't tried it yet.<br />
-I also like to put a penny or any other coin in my pocket and play with it as a distraction to whatever may be causing my anxiety.<br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-58921368780289135582016-04-01T13:28:00.001-04:002016-05-02T14:48:11.930-04:00Finally...A Birth StoryNow that I am 8 months past giving birth I finally feel like the trauma is gone! Since giving birth, many of my friends have had babies and I can now confidently say that I think the whole process is beautiful and magical. Looking back at my <a href="http://ellieswonder.blogspot.com/2015/09/6-week-postpartum-truths.html" target="_blank">newly postpartum blog posts</a>, I surely did NOT think anything about having a baby was beautiful. I have finally come around though!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMDc7lxnvAsmjC6eyBeNnfJul7_q6Mvvmk0rC_ttJWja2jbNcds2d36A9cPH0jcDOLsluROwrFX-0FYEB1Qa2HdP_5iifoO-_HAE5fCOTB8evvKcxafs5vpWbza_IQKELliwe68JX3aDI_/s1600/birth+story1_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="325" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMDc7lxnvAsmjC6eyBeNnfJul7_q6Mvvmk0rC_ttJWja2jbNcds2d36A9cPH0jcDOLsluROwrFX-0FYEB1Qa2HdP_5iifoO-_HAE5fCOTB8evvKcxafs5vpWbza_IQKELliwe68JX3aDI_/s400/birth+story1_ellieswonder.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I want to record the birth story of Hazel before it slips my memory too much. I know big parts of it have already dissolved from my memory, and I'm sure Andy would dispute the way I tell the story, but this is my birth story and how I remember it. Be forewarned, I wrote out the long version. :)<br />
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I was diagnosed with melanoma just a few weeks before my due date. It was a mole that had spread and become discolored. Luckily we caught it early, so all they would have to do was a minor surgery to remove the mole and a large area around it. The surgeon did not want to perform the surgery until I had delivered my baby though. I passed this news on to my midwife and OB who then consulted a variety of other doctors about this issue. They concluded that it would be best to induce me so that I could have the baby before the melanoma spread or got any worse. I was induced the same day they made that decision. Andy and I had approximately 5 hours to prepare our house and ourselves to welcome a new baby. Eeek!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5CsmjAFPUeB8XRM6hF2wub635eWHQUovYP8JdJ-dYMGmnT4nO8TVfu8VSdMmc-3t0Yc3m8JcweRwMnXzDwMq_DXtYgt6nn99XMw4Xae369zgUoZ9vGhQtJF7Tmzuwi98gwBpbhvV9Bu5/s1600/birthstory5_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="579" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5CsmjAFPUeB8XRM6hF2wub635eWHQUovYP8JdJ-dYMGmnT4nO8TVfu8VSdMmc-3t0Yc3m8JcweRwMnXzDwMq_DXtYgt6nn99XMw4Xae369zgUoZ9vGhQtJF7Tmzuwi98gwBpbhvV9Bu5/s640/birthstory5_ellieswonder.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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So it was two and half weeks before my due date that I was induced. I had an appointment early afternoon where my midwife swept my membranes. (Don't ask what that is, because I really don't know.) It was uncomfortable and I actually felt contractions start immediately. She said that might happen. Then I went home to clean the house before heading into the hospital for my actual induction. All afternoon I had light contractions while I cleaned like a crazy person.<br />
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At 5pm Andy and I checked into the hospital and I was given Cervadil. I had already been having contractions, but the Cervadil was supposed to ease me into labor even more. That night I slept a few hours through light contractions. I woke around 5am pumped full of adrenaline because I knew we were going to have a baby that day. Unfortunately, my contractions were still very light, so they left the Cervadil in for another 6 hours. Since my labor was light we decided to let a few visitors stop by. We joked about painful labor and had a pretty good time despite my contractions slowly getting stronger. Once all the visitors had left, Andy and I decided to walk laps. We walked and walked and walked around the labor unit! This helped and definitely brought on stronger contractions to the point where I would have to stop walking, grasp the railing on the wall, and moan my way through the contraction. It was quite dramatic!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYR0K1xuCZFSyf6aGFcrp_HLzZooIWSqjR60Io_1MzhmCaV0Mm6aAerqt3vSuqLDF0qz03Dc3fDaC10MvmNX88xDcwCuUBAaZ5EjzCAuGsUHt8Uj_eEw9Rt8ovRh98rYFa7cZVhesLNhIW/s1600/birthstory3_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYR0K1xuCZFSyf6aGFcrp_HLzZooIWSqjR60Io_1MzhmCaV0Mm6aAerqt3vSuqLDF0qz03Dc3fDaC10MvmNX88xDcwCuUBAaZ5EjzCAuGsUHt8Uj_eEw9Rt8ovRh98rYFa7cZVhesLNhIW/s400/birthstory3_ellieswonder.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Around 4pm we went back to the laboring room because walking was too exhausting for me. At that point I bounced on a ball, rolled around the bed, moaned like a banshee, vomited, cried, rolled around the bed some more, and finally I got into the whirlpool. The whirlpool was pure bliss. I was able to relax, but unfortunately that just made my contractions come on even stronger. After an hour they forced me out of the whirlpool to check my progress. I was butt naked, dripping wet, shaking, crying, and moan-yelling. I was a complete mess!! When they checked me I was 6cm...only 6cm after 24 hours. This came as a huge disappointment to me, as I was in the most miserable pain I had ever been in.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUq1sj-FEb30dgxEhL5u7_BaaaYIfV4_lha4B4zHC7vAnm5DexQI7yp8gXoHMWQGEHgbBOhvHR908zAq_MluBSZdkg-Vee0ujH7TMm7OIQqgVUp64Y5PCQ6DUTbPmSF9LwPFXnDv9wj3li/s1600/dad+in+labor+room_ellieswonder.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUq1sj-FEb30dgxEhL5u7_BaaaYIfV4_lha4B4zHC7vAnm5DexQI7yp8gXoHMWQGEHgbBOhvHR908zAq_MluBSZdkg-Vee0ujH7TMm7OIQqgVUp64Y5PCQ6DUTbPmSF9LwPFXnDv9wj3li/s400/dad+in+labor+room_ellieswonder.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Andy thought this was funny and texted it to all of our friends...he didn't mention it until after I gave birth. (shame on him!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div>
Despite not wanting to get an epidural, I was at my wits end. On a pain scale of 1-10 I was a 12! I didn't know that kind of pain even existed. The pain was so bad that I was shaking uncontrollably and felt like I had zero control of myself. Through shaking and yell-moaning from pain I demanded an epidural. They said the anesthesiologist was with another patient and couldn't come for another 15-20 minutes. That was unacceptable to me. I told the nurse I would die if I had to wait that long, so she hooked me up to IV pain meds. The IV helped, though I just felt like I was high and in pain at the same time...definitely a strange experience.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh843qIkZpKSUr9g3icjVPQcGlPYzgmj-bey2Pcp5SXK25yspX6ZGpep-zQhW38Z2-E5Wrp6kcQhSVWQXvPEjKPBgkDgto4aA578Bc-DF7UYvKsUu3clR-cKRNtsGzK-J8EHlPzwVWKakTx/s1600/birthstory4_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh843qIkZpKSUr9g3icjVPQcGlPYzgmj-bey2Pcp5SXK25yspX6ZGpep-zQhW38Z2-E5Wrp6kcQhSVWQXvPEjKPBgkDgto4aA578Bc-DF7UYvKsUu3clR-cKRNtsGzK-J8EHlPzwVWKakTx/s400/birthstory4_ellieswonder.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A funny picture we took while friends were visiting, before my contractions were bad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Around 6pm the anesthesiologist came in and politely explained the procedure to me while I balled my eyes out and vomited again. I was in immense pain, but I was also scared of getting an epidural. After some more drama from me, I finally sat still and got the epidural. It was a piece of cake and I really didn't feel anything. Very quickly my body numbed, the pain went away, and a feeling of peace flooded my exhausted body. It was like night and day. I fell into a deep sleep. Around 8pm I was 8cm dilated so they broke my water...I didn't feel a thing. Though apparently I pooped myself, lovely. I slept for a few more hours and around 10:45pm I woke up to the midwife checking my progress and saying, "Ohh, you are having this baby right now!"<br />
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A flood of nurses came into the room, two giant spotlights were turned on, my feet were placed in stirrups, and we were having a baby! I was not prepared at all. In fact I asked if it absolutely had to happen at that moment, ha. I had been sleeping and was out of it. I felt like I needed a good hour to process what was about to happen, but no such luck, they could already see the head! Everything was very frantic. Andy held my one leg, a nurse held the other, and the midwife was at the base of the bed. My body was still very numb, but I could feel a strange painful pressure in my lower abdomen. They had me hooked up to the monitor to see when my contractions were coming, and it felt like I had a contraction every 30 seconds, no lie. I pushed hard and strong and intensely while everyone yelled at me for a good 15 minutes. (Seriously, it felt like chaos.) Right before the last push I vomited one last time, just for good measure...and then, Hazel was born! Just like that. 11:07pm, 30 hours after my labor had started.<br />
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They put Hazel on my chest, but she wasn't crying so they gave her a good shake and sure enough she started wailing. Andy jumped into bed with me and we all had a good cry....and now I can see the beauty and magic in birth. The end. (Or rather beginning.) :)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-EHAI0bdWZSpqZ6tD5RJ0sYP3FbqEez3_gR4pkeye79lzcHegoNenZ4Zn9WQ19YiXzJs-Kdvq6ljTA4enYaniIxhKsWz9nLvm6wlB3pd30AZiFBWbdfJ_WQL6s40QOJkOgDz5Dsv5Drr-/s1600/Hazel+-+newborn+session-0033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-EHAI0bdWZSpqZ6tD5RJ0sYP3FbqEez3_gR4pkeye79lzcHegoNenZ4Zn9WQ19YiXzJs-Kdvq6ljTA4enYaniIxhKsWz9nLvm6wlB3pd30AZiFBWbdfJ_WQL6s40QOJkOgDz5Dsv5Drr-/s640/Hazel+-+newborn+session-0033.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-10081557595674942012016-03-18T11:08:00.001-04:002016-03-18T11:09:50.413-04:00Glimpses of Myself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ-uR1Y38ru7D8HuWY9ZbNJrk5fHeTSfrselCVcLH-Dr8-fKng7MxYWdOnsEZSzwSq-s_8Z8RRmvLv-3DRacsx7tLCg_9vn0GsrKBUl7ZH8oKgh077e5nlQfk6FPtMp6xoTrpfcctmuuNb/s1600/Ellie_hazel_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ-uR1Y38ru7D8HuWY9ZbNJrk5fHeTSfrselCVcLH-Dr8-fKng7MxYWdOnsEZSzwSq-s_8Z8RRmvLv-3DRacsx7tLCg_9vn0GsrKBUl7ZH8oKgh077e5nlQfk6FPtMp6xoTrpfcctmuuNb/s640/Ellie_hazel_ellieswonder.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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My biggest fear with having a baby was losing myself. Before getting pregnant I repeatedly heard from new moms that they didn't know who they were anymore, and that they had lost any personal interests. While I tried to understand them, I had difficulty because I have always been very sure of myself and who I am. The idea that having a baby would change everything, even ME seemed so foreign. Well...I get it now!<br />
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For <a href="http://ellieswonder.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-real-look-of-motherhood.html" target="_blank">the last 7-months</a> my life has been filled with everything all consuming baby. I expected this. I just didn't realize that I would not have time for myself in all of the baby craziness. Or that when I was given opportunity for me-time I would rather spend it just sitting and staring at a wall not thinking about anything. Lately though, I have been carving out little bits of intentional time just for me to be creative. If I have heard any parenting advice loud and clearly, it has been to take care of yourself so that you can better take care of your baby. This is SO TRUE.<br />
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The more time I make specifically just for me, the more energized, positive, and creative I feel. It is exciting to have creative juices flow through my veins again. I am a creative person, so to be without creativity, or time for it, makes me feel stifled and unmotivated. A few weeks ago I took a walk through the woods at our local arboretum and stumbled upon a rock labyrinth. I walked it and let my mind wander. It was the most wonderful thing! Since then, I have been in creative project mode. I have all sorts of ideas bursting forth and I have even completed some of them already!<br />
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It is exciting to see these glimpses of <b><i>me</i></b> coming back. I had a baby, but she is not my whole life. I am my own person, with my own ideas and aspirations outside of my child and husband. It may have taken me 7 months postpartum to act on that, but I am glad to have gotten here. Like I said, the best advice given to me about having a baby was to make time to take care of myself. I am, and it feels so GOOD!<br />
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Here's a <a href="https://vimeo.com/159249765" target="_blank">funky little short film</a> that I just made as part of re-discovering my creativity.</div>
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-12901531386202195812016-01-19T11:57:00.002-05:002016-04-06T12:11:03.514-04:00Dealing with Baby Weight...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi45fOYH1CdaiMnCJdWzUb6x_UtR08ehguJ840OVPc-lW0jr72fuk4Ce6quQ5sNX8bW7zV0t4MTDb2w0qev3ZsuBnzpYkzBlGGgAJsJpXI2SSYL2Ofl8UaZJ2om4EejqkLjXEZIu-awkdHG/s1600/Losing+the+baby+weight_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi45fOYH1CdaiMnCJdWzUb6x_UtR08ehguJ840OVPc-lW0jr72fuk4Ce6quQ5sNX8bW7zV0t4MTDb2w0qev3ZsuBnzpYkzBlGGgAJsJpXI2SSYL2Ofl8UaZJ2om4EejqkLjXEZIu-awkdHG/s640/Losing+the+baby+weight_ellieswonder.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Bear with me while I rant about my weight...Or, skip to the bottom of the page for some humor. <br />
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I have been keeping track of my <a href="http://ellieswonder.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-real-look-of-motherhood.html" target="_blank">postpartum progress</a> including the physical, mental/emotional aspects, and I seem to be improving everywhere except for the weight loss category. I am five months postpartum and something has got to give! My pregnancy weight gain was only 20 pounds, and while that isn't much, I haven't lost a single pound of it. About 1-week after giving birth I had lost half the weight and felt great. I was even doing yoga and taking walks around the neighborhood. Five weeks after giving birth though, I had gained all the pregnancy weight back. I am completely baffled by it! Why on earth am I still the same weight as I was at 9-months pregnant?! I guess I'll blame it on hormones, stress, less sleep...etc?<br />
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People like to say, "don't be so hard on yourself, you just had a baby", or "the weight will come off, just give it time", or "it took 9-months to put the weight on so it will take 9-months for it to come off". While I appreciate people being positive and supportive, those comments don't help. Instead, why don't you tell me about a great workout program, or a diet pill that works, maybe give me some healthy recipes to try, heck- why don't you just cook me a healthy meal? Unfortunately, those things are not happening, so it is in my hands to deal with this.<br />
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I am tired of not fitting into any of my clothes, I am tired of aches and pains most likely caused by extra weight that my body is not used to, and I am tired of feeling bad about my body. Before I got pregnant I loved my body, even the flaws. In fact, I really didn't care that much about how I looked. I felt good, and my clothes fit, so I was happy with my body. End of story. Now though, I am having body image feelings that I haven't had before! These are feelings that I can't turn off. I know that I grew a whole human and then pushed her out, but somehow in my head that doesn't justify the body that I currently have. It isn't so much the lumps and bumps that bother me, but the size that I am. It is a size I have never been and I don't like it! And my breasts...don't even get me started. I fear I may never see perky breasts again!<br />
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So now that I have gotten all my whining out of the way, here's what I am going to do about it. I am going to lose the weight! Maybe it will take me all of the 9-months, maybe it won't. I am tired of sitting on the sidelines "being a mom" and waiting for my body to go back to normal. This blog post is a motivation for me to get to work on losing the baby weight. It is my hope that by you reading it I will be held accountable to lose the weight.<br />
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Now for some humor... <br />
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A few days ago I went to the gym (go me!) and I <b>jogged</b>(!!) for the first time since having a baby and gaining 20 pounds. Let me tell you, I am not a runner. I struggle to run. I dislike running. However, I was invited to a "run 100 miles this year" group, so I joined and I started. Yikes, it was interesting... Let me just say, my breasts are currently NOT built for running...neither is my butt. I never could have dreamed that I would be one of those women jogging with bouncing boobs practically hitting me in the face. (Is that even possible?) Talk about uncomfortable. I may look into duck taping my bra before the next running attempt. But it wasn't just my boobs, it was my butt too!! Never, NEVER, have I felt my butt cheeks flop around while jogging! It was a strange sensation. At first, I thought it was my t-shirt hitting the backs of my legs. After a few shirt adjustments I quickly realized it was not a wardrobe malfunction, it was MY BUTT CHEEKS flopping around! Can you imagine the horror? No really? Never have I imagined such a sensation! I almost stopped right then and there, just got off the treadmill and walked away pretending like it never happened. -But I didn't! I ran the mile, and then walked a second mile after that.<br />
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So all of this to say: I had a baby, my body isn't the same, but I'm going to do something about it. If it takes flopping butt cheeks and bouncing boobs to get there, then so be it.<br />
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<u><b>Edit:</b></u> A few months later and I finally found something that worked for losing the baby weight. I feel amazing and have lost 18 pounds, not to mention I am SO much more healthy now. Check out <a href="http://ellieswonder.blogspot.com/p/blog-readswebsites.html" target="_blank">my story here</a>.<br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-55457363165229210722016-01-11T15:24:00.001-05:002016-01-11T15:24:50.447-05:00A Breastfeeding Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD4F2hQt8Eak4Ye1Cj8eAX7dHcKUMqD0wJ9uSx0m4i4GtjUQ9TheVbL5ng1brSfpDkk5qucs3NclEA-kxSxizZOwxYkDBdIZ_ao9-mNWpVcSwoTbz1z2UCZRA8dPNXd11iXu60eRVfEKoY/s1600/breastfeeding_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD4F2hQt8Eak4Ye1Cj8eAX7dHcKUMqD0wJ9uSx0m4i4GtjUQ9TheVbL5ng1brSfpDkk5qucs3NclEA-kxSxizZOwxYkDBdIZ_ao9-mNWpVcSwoTbz1z2UCZRA8dPNXd11iXu60eRVfEKoY/s400/breastfeeding_ellieswonder.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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This is a story that I have tried to sit down and write numerous times. Each time it is too painful to get anything down, so I have successfully pushed it aside until now. It is a story about pain in my heart, guilt, and shame. I wasn't even going to write this story, but I feel that I should so that it can be a support to others who have had/are having the same issues.<br />
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Before giving birth...no, before even getting pregnant, I knew I would breastfeed. To me, breastfeeding was the most natural, beautiful thing that a mother and her new baby could do together. I dreamt about it and couldn't wait until I was able to breastfeed my own baby someday. When I got pregnant I was sick and uncomfortable and unsure about giving birth, but more than anything I was excited about breastfeeding. I was sure that breastfeeding was where I would find joy in this whole process of having a baby.<br />
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After giving birth they placed Hazel on my bare chest. I asked the nurse if I should try to breastfeed and she said "no, wait until the baby finds your breast and she will nurse on her own time". An hour passed and Hazel had not found her way to my breast. They took her to clean her, weigh her, get her vitals etc., then she came back to me and I put her to my breast. Nothing happened. All of the beauty and magic that I believed would surround Hazel and me during our first time breastfeeding was not there. With each try to get her to latch, then each fail, my heart broke.<br />
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Over the next few days in the hospital I continued to try to breastfeed Hazel. I had a variety of lactation specialists come in and help me. They said I had flat nipples, so I was given a nipple shield. That helped, but Hazel's latch wasn't very good and my milk wasn't coming in as quickly as I thought it would.<br />
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We took our new baby home and promptly had an appointment with the pediatrician. Hazel had lost about a pound since being born (down to 5 pounds!) and needed to gain weight. My milk still had not come in. I was given instructions to drink dark beer, take fenugreek, drink mother's milk tea, use brewers yeast in cooking etc. I tried it all...still, my milk didn't come in. Hazel was not gaining weight and screamed day and night, probably due to hunger.<br />
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Breastfeeding was becoming frustrating. Where was the magic, the feel-good-feelings, the bonding? None of that was happening. I was taken over with sadness and stress by the whole situation. We were at the pediatrician every other day weighing Hazel and trying to get her to feed properly so that my milk would come in. She was diagnosed with a tongue AND lip tie. We had the tongue-tie corrected and that helped with her latch, but she still was not nursing well. She would cry at my breast, then I would cry. My days were filled with trying to breastfeeding, then pumping about a 1/2 ounce, repeat...all-day-long.<br />
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After a month of very little weight gain for Hazel, my milk STILL not fully in, an emotionally drained me, and a very cranky baby, we resorted to formula. When I began to supplement breastfeeding with formula, Hazel started to gain weight. She didn't stop crying, but she was gaining weight. I had overwhelming feelings of guilt giving her formula, but at the same time relief because she was gaining weight. All the while I was still trying to increase my supply in the hopes that Hazel would exclusively breastfeed.<br />
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At month-two Hazel's weight was still very low. She was gaining, but not enough. So the pediatrician and I went back to the drawing board. I took Hazel to the hospital for lab work, it came back fine. The pediatrician suspected a milk allergy so I cut out all dairy from my diet and we changed her formula to a hypoallergenic brand. Finally, finally Hazel's weight gain picked up and she started crying less. Over the next month Hazel had packed on a few pounds and wasn't crying at all anymore. It truly felt like a miracle!<br />
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Through this whole process though, what little milk supply I had tanked. I started with very little supply which has slowly gone down to just a few drops. Hazel is 95% fed on hypoallergenic formula. She uses my breast mostly as comfort once a day, sometimes none. I am happy that she is fed, growing, and content now, but I still feel pangs of guilt and sadness that it is not my body feeding her. We have not been able to have the breastfeeding relationship that I so desperately hoped for. The only way I am getting through this is by telling myself that she is getting fed and that is what's important.<br />
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So here I am, five months after giving birth, mourning something that I never really had. I had hoped breastfeeding would be the joy that I was seeking in this whole process of having a baby, but it has been the opposite. I have never felt so hopeless, stressed, and sad about anything else in my life as I have felt about breastfeeding. And that, is my breastfeeding story. It may be the biggest heartbreak of my life thus far.<br />
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<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-20180912564071771832016-01-04T12:23:00.000-05:002016-01-04T12:23:36.090-05:005-month Postpartum Truths<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu2ewgYJbtSSuobxil5B_6htfcAb13h5Q0BvqkJIwbWasJ7T-NAKh-XP2_h22u1yRj2hSRcDGHKhwdtoPJgj95r66NfSl1Od3PZE6jkXyJm3ELqVdURWx8L3QHb9NJUkHL62Utvj-_DJ06/s1600/5-mo+postpartum.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu2ewgYJbtSSuobxil5B_6htfcAb13h5Q0BvqkJIwbWasJ7T-NAKh-XP2_h22u1yRj2hSRcDGHKhwdtoPJgj95r66NfSl1Od3PZE6jkXyJm3ELqVdURWx8L3QHb9NJUkHL62Utvj-_DJ06/s640/5-mo+postpartum.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Wow, I haven't written a post like this since I was 6-weeks postpartum! I guess I haven't had time. I also haven't had the head-space to organize my thoughts. I have so many postpartum thoughts these days and this post hardly brushes the surface. Shew-whee, where to begin...<br />
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5 months ago I gave birth. I have since forgotten the pain, but there is still trauma. I have to admit though, I am more traumatized by being pregnant than giving birth. The birth came and went in 30 meager hours, done. Pregnancy however, seemed like it lasted half of my life! Thank.goodness.that.is.over!! Despite not being pregnant anymore, I am still horrified by the experience. That just goes to show how sick and uncomfortable I was. I am not a fan of surrendering my body to nine months of uncontrollable reactions and growth.<br />
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On to somewhat more pleasant things. Hazel, is a doll. No literally she looks like a doll. It's a good thing she is cute, because she definitely tried our patience those first three months. It is one thing to have a new baby and adjust to a different way of life. It's another story altogether to have a baby with colic...or whatever it is that makes them so cranky all the time. Hazel cried nonstop for the first three months. I often found myself crying along with her because I didn't know what else to do. We were/are regulars at the pediatrician's office, everyone knows us by name now because we were there (no-kidding) every other day for the first month, then twice a week after that. Only at month-three did we finally start tapering the visits to every other week. Most of Hazel's problems had to do with "colic", low weight gain, and breastfeeding, but I'll write another post about that later.<br />
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With Andy out of town for work most weeks and Hazel's nonstop crying, I was worn pretty ragged those first few months. I survived on showers at 2am, 1-minute breaks sitting on the back porch with the sun in my face, long cries into my coffee, granola bars, and netflix. I tell you, single/solo parenting is HARD. I don't wish it on anyone. If you know a single mom, or one whose husband works long hours (or out of town), help a mama out! I don't mean ask if she wants help, just show up and help. (I'm not gonna lie, I could have used a lot more help...I was just too proud to ask for it.)<br />
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So now that we are past the I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing-and-my-baby-won't-stop-crying phase, things finally feel good. Hazel is a completely different baby than she was those first few months. She laughs and smiles and we like each other. We are starting to get into some sort of routine and my anxiety about getting out of the house is almost all gone. Life is still challenging and I am often frustrated with my loss of independence (especially when Andy is not around to give me a break), but all in all I feel better about being a mom. It is crazy how much a little human can change your life. I love my child, but I truly don't understand how people can do this over and over again with multiple children. Mad respect to them! <b>One-and-done</b> will be my story. :)<br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1119835366472826427.post-19312558881436883872015-12-12T12:00:00.000-05:002016-05-04T00:00:46.985-04:00Motherhood is Humbling<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid_voszZnXXrvJbAKIlPZWmAU8UsDwSzPCmrqF69MMvnfU_khy7D9owFyCqyDzhd_uWQ5ewnulGaRH6o2yhn7qIkKmxiilWweKVKIC0Z3GRl9UqLYa2jHu6a2TNY1juFdJDOV6fK_i2ALf/s1600/floor+play+gym_ellieswonder.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid_voszZnXXrvJbAKIlPZWmAU8UsDwSzPCmrqF69MMvnfU_khy7D9owFyCqyDzhd_uWQ5ewnulGaRH6o2yhn7qIkKmxiilWweKVKIC0Z3GRl9UqLYa2jHu6a2TNY1juFdJDOV6fK_i2ALf/s400/floor+play+gym_ellieswonder.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Yep, motherhood is humbling. Never before have I contradicted myself so much or been proven wrong time and time again. I went into this parenthood-gig with perfect ideals, saying I will 'never' do this or that...and then it came down to survival and I did just that thing I said I wouldn't do. I am learning, slowly but surely. There is usually a consistent feeling of guilt, especially when mentioning these things to other parents, but I am trying to get past that. We need to not guilt each other as parents, but support and lift each other up. So here are some of the things that have humbled me, these are my truths and realities:<br />
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-I use formula. *gasp!* Something that I always thought was the devil. When boobs aren't working though, and baby isn't thriving or gaining weight, you do what you need to do.<br />
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-I have and use cloth diapers (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01185EO8Y/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01185EO8Y&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=QZ774VTCS4Z4PBD2%22%3EFuzziBunz%C2%AE%20First%20Year%20Adjustable%20Cloth%20Diapers%2012%20Pack%20Gender%20Neutral%20Colors%20with%20Dainty%20Baby%20Wet%20Bag%20Bundle,%20Colors%20May%20Vary%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B01185EO8Y" target="_blank">fuzzi bunz</a>), but I really prefer the disposables. Cloth diapers seem like such a great idea. They really do save money at the end of the day and are a much cleaner option for the environment, but they are such a HASSLE. I do laundry every two days, they don't wick the moisture away from her as good as the disposables, they are more prone to leaking, I have to change them more often...and the list goes on. Each time I use a cloth diaper I quietly and guiltily tell myself this will be the last time.<br />
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-Even though I am not working I put my baby in daycare. *Another gasp!* "But you have the privilege of staying at home and spending the whole day with your beautiful child!" Yes, it may be a fantastic privilege that I don't have to go back to work, but mama needs a break. Especially when papa is out of town all week. Yes, I felt guilty at first, but then I started getting things done and taking care of myself and the guilt faded away. I love my child, but I can't spend every waking hour of my life with her or I will go crazy. (side note: she's only in daycare two days a week)<br />
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-I have always loathed those super colorful, eyesore <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002DWALTI/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B002DWALTI&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=RJMMPVD2PTLN3M2Q%22%3EInfantino%20Twist%20and%20Fold%20Activity%20Gym,%20Vintage%20Boy%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B002DWALTI" target="_blank">floor gyms</a> that babies can lay under. (see picture at top of page) Yeah...we have one of those now and she loves it.<br />
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-Before having a baby I swore we would only have natural wooden toys. Nope- we definitely have plastic toys covered in all the colors of the rainbow now.<br />
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-I like a good schedule and planned to put Hazel on a schedule right out of the womb, that didn't happen. She's almost 5 months old and we still don't have any type of schedule. Each day is different and that is fine.<br />
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-I promised myself that I wouldn't litter facebook and instagram with baby photos, but some days she is just so damn cute that I can't help myself!<br />
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-I always figured we would <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008C2YKWC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B008C2YKWC&linkCode=as2&tag=ellieswonder-20&linkId=4KQNDBXKJHEQJVYE%22%3EArm%27s%20Reach%20Concepts%20Clear-Vue%20Co-Sleeper,%20Cocoa/Fern%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=ellieswonder-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B008C2YKWC" target="_blank">co-sleep</a>. Andy and I even bought a bigger bed so that she could sleep in it with us. She sleeps in the crib though. I just can't sleep with her in bed. I tried and tried, but something in me would not turn off when she was in the bed. Now that she sleeps in the crib my body is able to shut off and I can sleep soundly! (Not a single bit of guilt there!)<br />
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-Before having a baby my dog was my baby. Now, I can't stand him! He smells, he barks, he annoys the crap out of me. I feel incredibly guilty that I don't love him anymore, but that's the reality of it. I am not openly trying to find another home for him, but I'm not going to deny that if someone wanted him I would totally give him away. (*Edit 5-months later: I am back to loving him, thank goodness!)<br />
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These are my truths. I have some guilt, but I also feel relief in areas. I am humbled everyday and life with a baby is definitely not what I expected it to be, but that's ok.<br />
<br />Ellies Wonderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02020904813909087167noreply@blogger.com0