Sunday, April 5, 2015

Pregnancy: A Lonely Road

Lately I have found pregnancy to be quite lonely and alienating. It probably doesn't help that Andy works out of town 80% of the time, or that none of our friend have kids, or that my body is raging with hormones. These things just add insult to injury.

I am trying SO HARD not to feel bad for myself, but some days I just can't help it. Especially this week. This week was bad. Andy was out of town all week and this weekend, and today is Easter. I find myself sitting here crying over a bowl of cereal (again) as I write this. Everyone is busy doing things with their families or recovering from too much Saturday night drinking, and here I sit lonely as ever.

Pregnancy is just such a weird, strange time of transition. It is going from independence to motherhood. A time full of changes, both physically and emotionally. There is incredible growth happening, once again both physically and emotionally. I spend my days processing this new life inside of me and what it will mean for the rest of my life. My decisions now involve what to eat that will be healthy for the baby inside of me, and when to rest or do something for myself. My thinking is not my own anymore. I am already putting this baby and my body first, so that we have the best possible chance for health and life.

It is hard for me to relate to other people and vice versa because of all these changes occurring. No one else is going through change, everything has stayed the same except for me. I feel like life carries on around me as I sit alone and slowly work through these changes inside of me. It is lonely. Sometimes I wish I could just be the person that I was before this pregnancy and get on with the party, but I can't. My priorities are different now and I feel stuck. I don't know where I fit in. I feel lost and frustrated in a time that I am supposed to be joyously welcoming this new life.

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