Tuesday, October 18, 2016

When one is enough

Photo by Robin Skievaski Photography
Last week I had my annual gyn exam. My midwife asked what birth control I was using, and when I said "none" she looked at me surprised and concerned. Then, I proceeded to tell her that my husband had gotten a vasectomy and thus, I did not need any type of birth control. She continued to look at me surprised and concerned, then paused and slowly said, "well, I respect your decision".

"I respect your decision" was the professional thing to say, but it was frustrating for me when that comment was followed by pauses and concerned looks. No one says that when you say you are pregnant again! I am tired of defending this decision that Andy and I have made to not have any more children. Why can't we be happy for people who make responsible decisions?
"So you've decided not to have any children? Congrats, I'm so happy that you know what is right for you."
"So you've decided that one child is enough? How fantastic that you can make that decision and act on it responsibly."

Yes, we only want one child. One child is enough when we still have goals, dreams, and aspirations for ourselves. One child is enough when the trauma of pregnancy, childbirth, and bringing a newborn home is something that you never want to experience again. One child is enough if you've suffered from debilitating postpartum anxiety. One child is enough when you have a great community of like-minded friends who don't judge you for it. One child is enough when you want to be able to offer your child greater opportunities, rather than stretching the finances across multiple children. One child is enough if that is the decision that you want to make.

I am happy with our decision. I have not and will not regret it. Sure, there have been moments holding another persons baby where I think I could do it again, but I have made a decision NOT to do it again, and I am happy to stand by that. Please respect that. Don't judge me, don't feel bad for me, don't feel bad for my child. We chose to have one child, a vasectomy, and made a responsible family planning decision. We should be applauded because we are making decisions and being responsible about it.

Here's to responsible family planning, no matter what that means to you. I applaud you, for whatever decisions that you have made regarding your body and your family. Let us not judge, but be happy for each other!