When Andy and I got married over 3 years ago we both wanted kids. With all of the excitement and love that marriage brought, we decided that we wanted to have kids right away. (So glad that didn't happen!) We didn't use any birth control for the first 6 months of marriage. We weren't trying, but we weren't not trying, if you get what I mean. Nothing happened after 6 months, and by then we had gotten our senses back about us and decided that we needed to be on birth control asap. Since then, we have been blissfully child free and thoughtless of children. In fact, we even went through a year long phase of just not wanting children at all, ever.
It seems things have changed now...at least for Andy. I'm sure the fact that his younger brother and wife are about to have a baby is a huge contribution to the way Andy is acting. In 9 months Andy has gone from being completely against children, to wanting his own immediately. It is hard for me to grasp all of this in such a short amount of time. Usually I am the one to adapt to life changes more quickly, but in this case I am not. I am quite happy living life without being at the beck and call of a little rug-rat. (As cute as the child may be.)
It feels like the more Andy wants children, the less I want them. Does that even make sense? I have wanted to have babies most of my life until now. In fact, when I was about 22 years old, my ovaries ached for a baby so bad that some days I wanted to go hump the first man that I saw, all for the sake of procreating. (I'm telling you, I was a crazed hormonal woman!) Things have changed since then though. Could my hormones be depleting? Or maybe I have no more eggs left, therefore I don't feel the need to procreate? Or maybe I read too many baby blogs and only take away the bad things rather than the good things. Who knows, I certainly don't! Someone get me a shot of tequila, maybe that will help.
I do know that things are going really well with Andy and me. In fact, things are great! We have moved to a new place and are getting adjusted. I would hate to throw a baby into the mix right now. Our weekends are filled with non-baby adventures and our weeks are beginning to settle into a nice routine. We also don't have an established community here yet, and quite honestly we've been too busy adventuring that we haven't even tried to find one. Am I silly to think that we should have a community of people around us before having a child? Because that is the #1 thing on my list of things to be in place before having children. At the rate that Andy and I move and change jobs, we may never be in one place long enough to have a baby. This is all just my opinion though. There are two of us in this marriage, so I can't be the only one calling the shots.
How did you know it was the right time to have a baby? Did it feel right? I really just have no idea...
Hm. I don't think anyone is ever 100% ready, but definitely listen to your body and those voices saying YES PLEASE or NO WAY. They are important.ReplyDelete
Thanks Kate, it helps to hear that. My 'no' voice is definitely loud right now, which is fine...I just don't understand why.Delete
Being on birth control can alter your hormones in a way that decreases your desire to have children. I'll bet if you stop taking it, your ovaries will be aching again in no time! (If that's what you want)ReplyDelete
I agree that establishing a sense of community first would be a good idea. It's nice to know you have a local support network.
Also, don't beat yourself up over your desire or lack of desire to have children. You're still young, and you have a lot of other exciting and new things going on in your life right now! :)