Wednesday, November 28, 2012

'Annual' stories

I went for my annual check up yesterday. Or rather, that time of year that I spread my legs for a stranger and let them poke around my lady parts. We all dread it. The room is sterile, the doctors hands are always cold, and it seems to take an eternity rather than a few minutes.

Today though, I come to tell you other 'Annual' stories. One is warm and fuzzy while the other is just funny.
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The first story is my story. I lived in Korea teaching English a few years ago and during that time I was due for my annual. I had no idea how it was going to work out. I did some online searching for an English speaking woman doctor and found one! I read the expat reviews and they were all positive. So I scheduled an appointment, mapped my subway route, and headed out for my dreaded annual exam. When I arrived, they took my info and led me to a doctors room. A minute later a nurse walked in offering me coffee. Why thank you, yes I will drink some coffee while I wait to get my lady parts poked at! It was lovely and relaxing. Soon the doctor came in. She was very nice, gave me a flowery dressing gown and left the room. I put the gown on and realized that the room had no typical bed with stirrups...hmm I wondered how this was going to go down. The doctor came back and led me through a door to a room with calm music, mood lighting, a tv with nature scenes on it...and get this, a big fluffy furry recliner type of chair. She guided me to the chair and sure enough it was comfortable. Then she pushed a button and the recliner tilted back (like a dentist's chair) and she pulled out two VERY fluffy stirrups. I was in heaven! Coffee and a fluffy chair, what kind of place was this! In no time the doctor was finished with the exam and I was free to go...I didn't even feel a thing. The ladies at the front desk checked me out (Korean insurance paid for everything!) and I was good to go. It was like a day at the spa. Korean's know how an annual exam should be!

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The second story was told to me by my mother when I was younger. (A friend of her's maybe.) A woman was running late for her annual exam. At home she ran into the family bathroom and grabbed a wash cloth to give herself a quick clean before she left. When the doctor spread the woman's legs to do the exam he exclaimed, 'Oh I see you prepared!'. The woman was confused by the doctors comment, but paid no attention to it. Later that day the woman's daughter walked into the house with her cheerleader uniform on and glitter all over her face. Her daughter explained that glitter was a new thing the cheerleaders were doing. At that moment the lady remembered the doctors comment about 'preparing' for the exam. She ran to the bathroom and discovered the wash cloth she had used was covered in glitter.

So there you go. Two stories on the lighter side of getting your annual exam.

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