Friday, June 5, 2015

Mother, Woman, Life Goddess! {empowerment that is pregnancy}

It has taken me 8 months to get to this stage, but I think I am finally there. I have fully accepted this pregnancy and I finally feel good about it and my body...well, mostly.

It is interesting to look at my pregnancy and see the stages that I have gone through. First there was shock, then shame, guilt, and secretiveness from keeping the news from close friends until the 3-month-now-you-can-tell-people mark. (Ridiculous!) Then I went through anger and denial. Anger over being so sick and not being able to hang out with friends or participate in holiday festivities. (Or drink a good stout beer.) Denial, because I wasn't showing yet so how could I actually be pregnant for real? Then, I experienced nervous excitement because I started to show a growing baby bump, but that meant that everything was in fact, real. After that came pure depression. It was something that I have experienced in small bouts before, so I sort of recognized it, but only now in hindsight do I really see that it was depression. It came out of nowhere and completely blindsided me for about a month and a half. I don't know why it came on, hormones (?), or maybe the fact that all of a sudden this pregnancy was real and I hadn't fully realized it until then. Either way, it came and then went. (Shew!) So now, for the first time in my pregnancy, I feel good (mentally, emotionally). I have worked so hard to get here, in all aspects, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I am in the final stretch and I know that I can do this!

I think it was a necessary process for me to go through all of those stages. This is why women are pregnant for 9 months. (Ah ha!) There is so much processing that goes into making a baby and bringing new life into this world that it can't be done overnight, or in a few weeks. I know that I am not at the end of my processing, but at least I am in a good place.

For the first time in my life I feel like a real woman, mother, and life goddess. My belly is swollen with life, flesh, a beating heart. My body supports my baby's body and together we are one. The baby kicks and I feel comfort. The baby rolls and I feel pure love and joy. Every day I see my round belly growing and feel my baby flutter inside me and I feel confident, empowered. I am a life goddess, I am doing something incredible!

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