First of all, I should start with yes, yes, I know my body is doing an amazing thing by growing a human being from scratch...but I'm tired of being polite. Creating a baby is an amazing feat, and while my body is totally capable of it, I also feel like it is wrecking me. So there's that. I put the generic "my body is capable" out there and now I am going to tell you how I really feel.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Pregnancy is not for me, I hate it. If I sound like a broken record that's probably because I am. First it was the cramps, then morning sickness, then heartburn...and now it's weight gain. I knew I was going to gain weight, duh I'm growing a baby, but I didn't know that it would make me feel so helpless, discouraged, and frustrated.
I have been healthy and conscious of my weight since high school. While I was a skinny mini in high school and didn't have anything to worry about, I still ate healthy and exercised. In college I grew some little hips and boobs. This was eye opening to me and I began to work out a little more. Since college, I have had fairly healthy habits of eating healthy, exercising, and being conscious of my weight. I am not obsessive, just healthy and really quite average.
For most of my pregnancy I have had little to no weight gain until about a month ago. When I hit month-6 of pregnancy I gained 5 pounds in one week. That started it off. Since then, the weight gain has been steady and it scares the crap out of me. I know it is inevitable that I'll gain weight because my baby needs to grow and become healthy, but at the same time I can't help but dread it. I have never been this heavy in my life! My boobs have gone from A-cup to D-cup and my hips are covered in stretch marks...just in time for bathing suit season too. Oh the horror!
So like I've said, pregnancy weight gain is like watching a train wreck. I am in the midst of the wreck right now and I can't help but feel helpless. Each time I get dressed, a feeling of dread comes over me. I try so hard to enjoy my baby bump and be happy that I my body is creating life, but instead I feel like a fat cow that needs to be put to pasture until this baby comes. There is no fix for this weight gain, it is happening whether I like it or not. All I can think is that at least I get a little baby at the end of it all. (And then I'll work my ass off to get back to my old body so I never have to feel this way again!!!)
I read that about 20 lbs. of the weight gained during pregnancy goes directly to the weight of the baby, placenta, additional fluid, etc. Which means it disappears within about a week of giving birth, which is what I found to be true of my body. 20 lbs gone almost instantly, leaving me with 5 pounds to lose to get back to my normal weight (to be fair, my muscle tone is shot and everything fits weird, but that will hopefully return to normal as I become active again). Hang in there! It's super important to gain that weight for your baby to be healthy!ReplyDelete
Ugh, I feel you, Ellie, and will not be trying to push you to see the bright side. Because I empathize. At 39w4d, I'm definitely not one of those women who loves (or even likes) being pregnant either. It doesn't agree with me--sick well into my third trimester and scoliosis-back issues galore. Only in the past few weeks has my energy returned some and weight gain plateaued. I will say: you're amazing. Your body is amazing. And thank you for being honest about how you're feeling. It makes me feel less alone to know that a smart, beautiful, capable woman feels the very real struggle.ReplyDelete